myfuturecsi
Corpse
Nick, Grissom and the Dead Parrot.
Disclaimer: I own none of these guys
Disclaimer: Skit lovingly borrowed from the Monty Python Troop.
Season: Whatever season Nick let's his hair hang out.
Synposis:
Nick surprised his boss and colleagues when he announced that he was quitting the Lab to open a pet shop specializing in exotic birds. Gil Grissom takes the plunge and purchases a parrot from Nick and is surprised by what he gets and what he may get out of it.
Gil Grissom barges into Nick's pet store only a half hour after he purchases the bird. A slender figure with dark, wavy hair is bent down behind the counter.
Banging on the bell on the desk, Grissom called out, "Hello, I wish to register a complaint!"
The figure does not respond.
"Hello, Miss?"
Nick shot up abruptly, ";What do you mean "miss"? We've worked together for how long Grissom!"
Leaning onto the counter, Nick awaited his boss's words.
Gil cleared his throat and said, "Sorry, I have a cold. I wish to make a complaint!"
"We're closing for lunch." Nick stood up again and tapped his watch!
Scoffing, Grissom retorted, "Never mind that, Nicky my boy. I wish to complain about this parrot what I purchased not half an hour ago from this very store!"
"Oh yes, the, uh, the Norwegian Blue...What's,uh...What's wrong with it?" Nick folded his arms and stared into the cage.
"I'll tell you what's wrong with it!" Grissom responded in the teacher/supervisor tone he found he always had to use with Nick, He's dead, that's what's wrong with it!"
Nick peered into the cage a little more closely before answering, "No, no, he's uh,...he's resting."
"Look, Nicky, I know a dead parrot when I see one, and I'm looking at one right now!"
"No no he's not dead, he's, he's resting'! Remarkable bird, the Norwegian Blue, isn't he? Beautiful plumage!" Nick responded nervously.
Laughing incredulously, Grissom blurted out, "The plummage don't enter into it. It's stone dead."
"Nononono, no, no! He's resting!"
"All right then, if he's resting', I'll wake him up!" Grissom held the cage up to his bearded face and shouted, "Hello, Mister Polly Parrot! I've got a lovely fresh cuttle fish for you if you show!"
Nick hit the cage.
"There he moved!"
"No, he didn't, that was you hitting the cage!"
"I never!!"
"Yes, you did!"
"I never, never did anything..."
Grissom continued to yell at the cage, "HELLO POLLY!!!!! Testing! Testing! Testing! Testing! This is your nine o'clock alarm call!"
Nick's former boss grabs the parrot out of the cage and thumps its head on the counter. Throws it up in the air and watches it plummet to the floor.
"Now that's what I call a dead parrot!" Grissom smiled triumphantly at Nick who simply answered.
"No, no.....No, he's stunned!"
"STUNNED?!?" Grissom yelled, his blood pressure reaching a boiling point.
"Yeah! You stunned him, just as he was waking up! Norwegian Blues stun easily, Grissom."
Grissom rubbed his beard and then leaned into Nick, "Um...now look...now look, I've definitely had enough of this. That parrot is definitely deceased, and when I purchased it not half an hour ago, you assured me that its total lack of movement was due to it being tired and shagged out following a prolonged squawk."
Nick shrugged indifferently, "Well, he's...he's, ah...probably pining for the fjords."
"PINING for the FJORDS?!?!?!? What kind of talk is that? Look, why did he fall flat on his back the moment I got him home?!"
"The Norwegian Blue prefers keeping on its back! Remarkable bird, Isn't it? Lovely plummage!"
"Look, I took the liberty of examining that parrot when I got it home, and I discovered he only reason that it had been sitting on its perch in the first place was that it had been NAILED there."
Grissom drummed his fingers on the counter waiting for whatever bright excuse Nick came up with next.
"Well, of course it was nailed there! If I hadn't nailed that bird down, it would have nuzzled up to those bars, bent 'em apart with its beak, and VOOM! Feeweeweewee!" Nick laughed.
"VOOM"?!? Mate, this bird wouldn't "voom" if you put four million volts through it! 'He's freaking demised!"
"No no! He's pining!"
"He's not pining! 'He's passed on! This parrot is no more! He has ceased to be! 'HE's expired and gone to meet 'is maker! 'HE's a stiff! Bereft of life, 'He rests in peace! If you hadn't nailed him to the perch 'He'd be pushing up the daisies! 'Is metabolic processes are now 'history! 'HE's off the twig! 'He's kicked the
bucket, 'He's shuffled off his mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleeding choir invisible!! THIS IS AN EX-PARROT!!"
A pregnant pause ensued before Nick cleared his throat and said, "I'd better replace it, then."
He takes a quick peek in the back and returns, "Sorry Grissom, I've had a look around the back of the shop, and uh, we're right out of parrots."
Nick wrung his hands nervously not wanting Grissom to go off on him again.
Rubbing his beard, the CSI answered, "I see. I see, I get the picture."
Nick brightened and chirped, "I got a slug!"
Grissom laughed, "Pray, does it talk?"
"Nnnnot really."
"WELL IT'S HARDLY A BLOODY REPLACEMENT, IS IT!"
"N-no, I guess not."
Nick stares at his feet ashamed.
Grissom looked pointedly at his former protégé, "Well."
Staring back at Grissom intensely, Nick shuffled his feet and quietly said, "D'you.... d'you want to come back to my place?"
Eyes widening in surprise, Grissom stared around to see if any of his colleagues, particularly Sara were around and answered..
"Yeah, all right, sure." :lol:
------------------------------
No! I don't Nick/Grissom surf, but wanted to do something a little naughty.
Disclaimer: I own none of these guys
Disclaimer: Skit lovingly borrowed from the Monty Python Troop.
Season: Whatever season Nick let's his hair hang out.
Synposis:
Nick surprised his boss and colleagues when he announced that he was quitting the Lab to open a pet shop specializing in exotic birds. Gil Grissom takes the plunge and purchases a parrot from Nick and is surprised by what he gets and what he may get out of it.
Gil Grissom barges into Nick's pet store only a half hour after he purchases the bird. A slender figure with dark, wavy hair is bent down behind the counter.
Banging on the bell on the desk, Grissom called out, "Hello, I wish to register a complaint!"
The figure does not respond.
"Hello, Miss?"
Nick shot up abruptly, ";What do you mean "miss"? We've worked together for how long Grissom!"
Leaning onto the counter, Nick awaited his boss's words.
Gil cleared his throat and said, "Sorry, I have a cold. I wish to make a complaint!"
"We're closing for lunch." Nick stood up again and tapped his watch!
Scoffing, Grissom retorted, "Never mind that, Nicky my boy. I wish to complain about this parrot what I purchased not half an hour ago from this very store!"
"Oh yes, the, uh, the Norwegian Blue...What's,uh...What's wrong with it?" Nick folded his arms and stared into the cage.
"I'll tell you what's wrong with it!" Grissom responded in the teacher/supervisor tone he found he always had to use with Nick, He's dead, that's what's wrong with it!"
Nick peered into the cage a little more closely before answering, "No, no, he's uh,...he's resting."
"Look, Nicky, I know a dead parrot when I see one, and I'm looking at one right now!"
"No no he's not dead, he's, he's resting'! Remarkable bird, the Norwegian Blue, isn't he? Beautiful plumage!" Nick responded nervously.
Laughing incredulously, Grissom blurted out, "The plummage don't enter into it. It's stone dead."
"Nononono, no, no! He's resting!"
"All right then, if he's resting', I'll wake him up!" Grissom held the cage up to his bearded face and shouted, "Hello, Mister Polly Parrot! I've got a lovely fresh cuttle fish for you if you show!"
Nick hit the cage.
"There he moved!"
"No, he didn't, that was you hitting the cage!"
"I never!!"
"Yes, you did!"
"I never, never did anything..."
Grissom continued to yell at the cage, "HELLO POLLY!!!!! Testing! Testing! Testing! Testing! This is your nine o'clock alarm call!"
Nick's former boss grabs the parrot out of the cage and thumps its head on the counter. Throws it up in the air and watches it plummet to the floor.
"Now that's what I call a dead parrot!" Grissom smiled triumphantly at Nick who simply answered.
"No, no.....No, he's stunned!"
"STUNNED?!?" Grissom yelled, his blood pressure reaching a boiling point.
"Yeah! You stunned him, just as he was waking up! Norwegian Blues stun easily, Grissom."
Grissom rubbed his beard and then leaned into Nick, "Um...now look...now look, I've definitely had enough of this. That parrot is definitely deceased, and when I purchased it not half an hour ago, you assured me that its total lack of movement was due to it being tired and shagged out following a prolonged squawk."
Nick shrugged indifferently, "Well, he's...he's, ah...probably pining for the fjords."
"PINING for the FJORDS?!?!?!? What kind of talk is that? Look, why did he fall flat on his back the moment I got him home?!"
"The Norwegian Blue prefers keeping on its back! Remarkable bird, Isn't it? Lovely plummage!"
"Look, I took the liberty of examining that parrot when I got it home, and I discovered he only reason that it had been sitting on its perch in the first place was that it had been NAILED there."
Grissom drummed his fingers on the counter waiting for whatever bright excuse Nick came up with next.
"Well, of course it was nailed there! If I hadn't nailed that bird down, it would have nuzzled up to those bars, bent 'em apart with its beak, and VOOM! Feeweeweewee!" Nick laughed.
"VOOM"?!? Mate, this bird wouldn't "voom" if you put four million volts through it! 'He's freaking demised!"
"No no! He's pining!"
"He's not pining! 'He's passed on! This parrot is no more! He has ceased to be! 'HE's expired and gone to meet 'is maker! 'HE's a stiff! Bereft of life, 'He rests in peace! If you hadn't nailed him to the perch 'He'd be pushing up the daisies! 'Is metabolic processes are now 'history! 'HE's off the twig! 'He's kicked the
bucket, 'He's shuffled off his mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleeding choir invisible!! THIS IS AN EX-PARROT!!"
A pregnant pause ensued before Nick cleared his throat and said, "I'd better replace it, then."
He takes a quick peek in the back and returns, "Sorry Grissom, I've had a look around the back of the shop, and uh, we're right out of parrots."
Nick wrung his hands nervously not wanting Grissom to go off on him again.
Rubbing his beard, the CSI answered, "I see. I see, I get the picture."
Nick brightened and chirped, "I got a slug!"
Grissom laughed, "Pray, does it talk?"
"Nnnnot really."
"WELL IT'S HARDLY A BLOODY REPLACEMENT, IS IT!"
"N-no, I guess not."
Nick stares at his feet ashamed.
Grissom looked pointedly at his former protégé, "Well."
Staring back at Grissom intensely, Nick shuffled his feet and quietly said, "D'you.... d'you want to come back to my place?"
Eyes widening in surprise, Grissom stared around to see if any of his colleagues, particularly Sara were around and answered..
"Yeah, all right, sure."
:lol:------------------------------
No! I don't Nick/Grissom surf, but wanted to do something a little naughty.
