My Secret - Sandle

Roosey

Captain
Summary: Sara reveals her secret, slowly.

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I woke up. The doorbell. Great. I looked like a ghost, felt like a ghost and I had been drinking like a ghost the night before. I never really drink that much, actually. It’s just that I felt like shit that day. There had been this case that really bothered me. A girl, six years old, had been raped, probably by her father. The case really affected me. Greg saw it. He asked me if I was allright, because I looked so pale. I told him I was allright because I didn’t want him to know my secret. It was my secret, and it was going to stay my secret.

I opened the door and there he was. Greg. He must have followed me to the bar. He must have seen me drinking. I used to drink a lot, ten years ago, or something like that. I was still in college. You will all find out why I drank that much. You will find it out, soon. Just let me tell my story. And it’s not short, I warn you.

I greeted him, like nothing was wrong. He greeted back. He smiled at me. I smiled back. I told him to sit down on the couch and I asked what brought him to my house. As far as you can call it a house, by the way. It’s messy all over the place. Clothes were on the floor, and I hadn’t cleaned the house in years. Guess that’s me.

He smiled again. Gosh, what was wrong with the guy? He just kept on smiling. Smile, smile, smile, and smile. Smile. Maybe he thought he needed to smile. He asked me if I was all right. Of course I wasn’t! I had a pounding headache, my feet hurt and my blood pressure was too high. Probably because of the alcohol. I looked him in the eyes and I sighed.

I told him I was all right. For the second time in twenty-four hours. He probably didn’t believe me, because he asked if I was sure. No, I wasn’t sure. I looked him in the eyes again and I tried to look serious. Yes, Greg, I-am-okay.

He nodded. He told me I was late for work. He told me Grissom asked him to pick me up. Shit. That stupid, damn annoying headache. I sighed. Why did things always have to go this way? I always got in trouble. I couldn’t tell him I was sick, because I just told him I was all right. That would be suspicious, don’t you think? I decided just to go to work and I would see what happened. If I became too sick, I’d leave, I promised myself. I told him to watch some TV while I got dressed.

I got into my bedroom and I sat down on the bed. I put my face in my hands and I sighed again. I’m such a mess. I looked at my (almost empty) wardrobe. I saw the t-shirt hanging. The t-shirt. I looked at the shirt next to it and I decided to wear it that day. I got up from the bed and while walking to the wardrobe, I got some pants off the floor. I put the shirt and the pants on and walked into the living room like nothing was wrong.

I smiled. Fake smile, obviously. I was good at faking those. Faking smiles wasn’t something I loved to do, but it was necessary, sometimes. Sometimes a person just needed to pretend things were right, when they weren’t. He asked me who would drive. For the first time in my life, I told someone else to drive. I was always the one who wanted to drive the car. I love driving cars. It’s one of my hobbies, as far as I have those. I’m a no-lifer.

While driving to the lab, he started telling me all kinds of stories. Got to hate traffic jams, especially when he’s telling you things about his grandmother. I learned a lot during that ride. But it was useless stuff. I mean, who wants to know about his grandmother wearing false teeth? And yes, I laughed my arse off hearing the story about his friend in high school. Not. I wanted him to shut up. But I couldn’t just say that, could I? That would be rude. Well, I was half-asleep, that isn’t that sympathetic either. So I just faked a smile, again. Heh, funny.

I was actually happy, seeing the lab. The lab saved me of hearing the story about the same friend saving a duck, or something. I could hug the lab. I didn’t want to work on that case, though. I cried inside thinking of it. But I went inside and went straight into the DNA-lab. I wanted to know if the father raped the kid. What? A new lab tech. Fine. They just kept coming and going. I said hi to the girl and I asked her if the results were back already. The stupid little newbie bitch didn’t have them. Great. I wished her good luck at the lab and I went straight into the coffee room.

And what I didn’t want to happen, happened. I met Grissom. He had waited for me, obviously. He was a great boss, but sometimes I couldn’t stand him. I think this was one of those moments. He looked at me, angrily, but at the same time kind of surprised. He probably didn’t expect me ever to come late. Well, then he was wrong. I was late.

I smiled at him, it was a fake smile, once again. He asked me why I was late. Despite the fact I had already expected him to ask it, I didn’t know how to answer. Maybe I could tell him my alarm didn’t work. But that was such an old-school excuse. I told him I didn’t know why I was late. I was just late. He told me he forgave me. Thanks for that, Grissom.

I needed some coffee. So, yes, it was obvious I took some coffee. I love coffee. It’s hot, and it takes all your trouble away. For a moment, though. But the feeling of having no problems at all is great. I just love it. I could drink coffee anytime. Okay, getting a bit off-topic now. So, I went back on the case. After processing the kid’s clothes, I started processing her shoes. I was hoping to find some fingerprints on the shoes, but they were negative for fingerprints. Great. My day was hell.

There was nothing I could do. The whole team was on the case. Grissom was studying the bugs we found at the scene (maybe those could lead us to the rapist, the bugs probably didn’t live in Nevada), Nick was with the girl, Warrick was interrogating the father, Catherine was investigating the scene, and Greg probably danced around on Marilyn Manson-music. I decided to get on the internet. Maybe there was some fun stuff, though nothing really could cheer me up.

I opened the browser and viewed the homepage. CBS News. And yes, another thing that reminded me of the case. I wanted to get away of it. I tried to find some funny movies on YouTube that reminded me of the few happy things in my childhood. I always watched Sesame Street. I loved Ernie. He always made me giggle.

After looking for a couple of minutes, I finally found a Sesame Street scene. It was so cute. I couldn’t actually remember other things I used to watch, when I was a child. This was the only memory. It’s funny, the things that you remember and the things that you don’t. I heard some footsteps behind me. I quickly closed the internet.

It was Greg. I hoped he had the DNA-results. He smiled at me and he said hi.

To Be Continued
 
Ok, lol I totally forgot about this fic :p

Here's chapter two
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Chapter two

I smiled back and asked him if he already had the results, and he nodded. “I’ll give you the results, but please tell me, what were you watching? I hope it was a funny movie, to cheer you up a bit, Sara. You look so sad”, he said, while touching my face. I loved Greg, but I didn’t want him to do that. And I told him. “Thanks”, I said when he backed off. “I was watching some funny movie, yes, Greg”, I also said. “Now, please give me the results”.

Greg sat down and sighed. “It was the father, Sara”, he said, with a look on his face I did not want to see. He looked like he felt sorry for me. Why would he feel sorry for me? I did not get Greg sometimes. I sipped of my coffee and decided to order breakfast, I had a pounding headache, and I hated it. I needed a pizza, or something. I loved Pizza Vegetariana, a pizza with onions, cheese, olives and tomatoes. I needed my pizza vegetariana, but the guys would probably think I was crazy. I mean, it was 10 in the morning. But well, f*ck them, I was going to order a pizza. I sighed and got out of the room without saying anything to Greg, who was still staring at me.

I sighed again, while walking to the break room. Everyone was sitting over there and they all smiled at me. Like why? Why would they smile at me? I had always been the black sheep of the lab and now THEY SMILE AT ME? Okay. I smiled back (fake smile, again – gosh I was into fake smiles today) and I said hi. I needed beer, and pizza. Now. But I couldn’t drink during my shift, so I could only order pizza.

I picked up my cell and got myself some coffee meanwhile. I smiled at the others and when I got to talk to the delivery guy, they all looked at me like I was crazy. Maybe I was. I ordered my pizza and sat down like nothing was wrong. Catherine asked if I was alright. Oh no, there they were. The rumors about Sara Sidle. I smiled and told Catherine I was okay. “But why were you late, Sara?”, Catherine asked. “You can tell me, if you want.”

I wanted to tell her to f*ck off and care about Lindsey, but I couldn’t. Instead I sighed and told her I was fine, really. I smiled again, hoping I had used enough perfume. I mean, I smelt, I drank way too much alcohol the other night.

There he was, the delivery guy. He gave me the pizza and I was hungry, very very hungry. I was just about to start eating the lovely thing, when I had to cry. I don’t know why, but it just came, in all of a sudden. I ran away, my pizza in my hand.. but I had nowhere to go, my car was still at my house, because Greg brought me to work this morning. I ran a couple of blocks away from the lab, and sat down on the pavement. I cried, and tried to eat something.

Nobody seemed to care about me, everybody just walked down the pavement.. everybody was doing what they were doing. Nobody cared. It’s been like that all my life. Nobody, nobody.
 
*pouts* That was a sad ending. I wanna give Sara a hug. :) LOL. Anyway, awesome job, Roosy. I love your writing style.

Update soon. ;)
 
Thanks guys! I'm a little busy this week so I think I'll update next weekend. :D

Love your avatar, sissi!
 
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