This is my version of what happened after Right Next Door There is more to come, this is just the first part. Many, many thanks to my lovely beta Waiting. :luvlove: It’s Funny What You Think of in Times like These Now that Mac and I are going to be parents, it’s funny what goes through your mind when a circumstance is going to change your life forever. I’m sitting here on our couch waiting for Mac. And when I say going to be parents, I mean in the very near future. My contractions are about three minutes apart and the last one, I tell you, was a doosey. It took my breath away. The amusing or shall I say interesting things I’ve been thinking about was whether I should have told Mac he was going to have a son sooner than I did, but things didn’t turn out that way. The past year has been such a whirlwind I can’t even begin to tell you how we got from my apartment burning down to where we are now, on the verge of parenthood. Twelve months can seem like a lifetime to some and to Mac and me it’s the beginning of our future and our family’s future. ~~~~ It all started when my apartment burned down. Mac offered for me to stay with him. I had an odd feeling about doing that at first. All he needed was for someone in the Chief’s Office to get wind of the fact that Mac and I were living together. Even if it was just as roommates, the possibility that the Chief would make more trouble in light of the situation for Mac, but for everyone in the lab- so I declined. But, after several attempts to find a decent place to live, my attempts turned up useless. I wound up staying in a hotel for a few weeks. Yeah, the privacy was great. No one was there to complain if I left my clothes on the floor, or if I drank the last of the milk, but that was the point, no one was there. I lived alone in my apartment, but I could hear people going about their daily lives all around me. I would forget that I was alone after hearing the laughter from the children next door. Then I realized that’s what I wanted. No more solitude, but something where I wasn’t by myself. Mac was the only one who offered a place to stay, so I found myself at his door. I paced the floor in front of his apartment for I don’t know how long. I heard his neighbors laughing and talking. My heart immediately knew this was going to be a good thing. I just need the courage to get myself there… I knocked. I could feel my face fill with heat as a sense of awkwardness came over me. Why? I’m not sure, but panic filled me after I knocked on his door. I stood there, as hotness filled my cheeks. Who knows how long I actually stood out in the hall, 2 minutes? 20? It didn’t matter. I heard some noises from the other side of the door. I stood, rigid at the thought that I was being too invasive as I stared intently at his wooden door. I swallowed down my nerves, I ran a hand through my unruly hair, I forced myself to look somewhere other than the door. The potted shrub of a plant that stood right next to Mac’s door did just fine. As I stood pondering the oddness of a plant in the starkness of the hall, I heard more laughter coming from across the hall, the kind of laughter that comes from true happiness. Whoever lived there convinced me to try Mac again. This is it I said to myself as my hands wrung together again. Nervousness filled me along with only small twinges of panic this time. I knocked again. Then Mac opened the door. “Stella, what are you doing here?” He asked almost not surprised to see me. “I … I … uh wanted to know if your extra room was still available,” I stammered to him. My eyebrows scrunched together as I felt the redness and heat return to my face. “I … should go; maybe this wasn’t such a good idea.” I stumble out to Mac still standing in his doorway. “Wait, Stella,” Mac called to me as I began to turn around. “Of course the room is available, I just wanted to know what took you so long to come around?” He smiled at me. A smile I couldn’t resist. The next thing I knew, I was walking into Mac’s apartment and to the beginning of our future. ~~~~ The next two weeks were awkward to say the least. I felt sort of out of place at Mac’s. I wasn’t quite sure of my new role. I didn’t feel like a roommate, I felt more like a trespasser. I felt like someone who was looking in on Mac’s life and trying to participate at the same time. Either way, I felt really, really out of place. Then the level of uncomfortableness (if there even is such a word) reached an all time high, at least for me. One day after work I came home, or shall I say, I came back to Mac’s place. (During the first few weeks I never really did feel like it was my home.) I was hungry and neither one of us had gone grocery shopping. I searched the cupboards and the fridge for something to eat. I usually stock my fridge with fresh fruit and vegetables. Mac was a little different. His eating habits were different than mine to say the least. But I did manage to find an apple sitting on the counter. Unfortunately, it was the last apple. I didn’t want to eat Mac’s last apple. Let me tell you, that was the weirdest decision I’ve had to make in a long time, whether or not to eat Mac’s last apple. Normally Mac and I get off shift at the same time, so we are usually home within half an hour of each other. But not this time; he didn’t get home until an hour later than I did. Needless to say, I was starving by then. I think our conversation went something like this…. ‘Mac good you’re home.” I practically whimpered when he entered the apartment. “Why, what’s wrong?” He asked in his stern but worried Mac Taylor voice. “Ummm… nothing,” I stopped, now really self-conscious at the idea of asking him if I could eat his apple. As hungry as I was, just the look in his eye made me blush with embarrassment. “No, Stella, you sound like you have some really important to ask.” He replied this time in a not so serious tone. Now I felt really, really strange and out of place. All I wanted to do was to get swallowed by a hole in the wall. If I could have gone back two weeks in time, I would have. But no, I stood there, in Mac’s kitchen seriously contemplating the idea of asking him if I could eat his apple. What kind of person am I? Then something happened that made me more at ease; my stomach growled. Mac smiled. His smile gets me every time. Something about his smile makes me blush, and that I did, because the next thing I knew, the apple was flying at me from across the kitchen. I was grateful I caught it. “You don’t need to ask Stella. This is your home too.” He practically whispered to me in passing. From then on, I felt much more comfortable with our living arrangements. I still didn’t quite feel like it was my home. But, I felt less like an intruder and more like someone who was staying there or at least for a short term basis. My uneasiness let up over the following weeks. Mac and I would take turns cooking each other dinner. I would cook some Greek favorites of mine. He told me his favorite was Garlic/Lemon Chicken. He served me his famous Mac Cheeseburger. I laughed when I heard that’s his specialty, but it was actually really good. It quickly became my new favorite. Then, one night, after a long, awful day at the lab, both of us needed a good break. The case was terrible to say the least. How can you get over the death of not one but two children at the hand of the babysitter? At first Mac wanted us to let it go as an accident, but something about the evidence wasn’t letting me settle for ‘just an accident’. I pushed Mac, and Adam, and Danny and everyone else. I wasn’t going to let this be just an accident. Maybe that was my motherly instincts telling me something or what, but I didn’t want to let it go. Mac and I actually got into an argument over it. Like the kind we used to have. It was actually kind of fun to push at him. “Mac, you’re ruling it an accident?” I stormed into his office. “You are closing the case?” My voice was full of anger. “Stella, there is nothing more to support that this wasn’t an accident.” He fired back. “Mac, you can’t be serious,” I fumed. “Two little girls are dead and you are ruling this an accident? NO WAY! I’m not buying it, NO WAY!” My voice shrilled. “There is more to this case…. And you know it. What are you afraid of? Mac, what are you afraid of? Are you afraid that Sinclair will have your ass for solving a true crime instead of beating your ass about Clay Dobson?” “Stella, calm down,” He ordered while slamming the door to his office closed. “Just what exactly are you saying here? That I care more about my own ass than solving a crime that the victims just happen to be two small children? Is that what you are implying Stella? Because if it is, than this conversation is over.” He firmly pointed out. “Yes, Mac, yes it is.” My impatience got the best of me at that moment and the words just flew out of my mouth. “Look,” I stammered in a voice I was fairly certain I had toned down from the frustration I was feeling at that moment. “I just don’t think this was an accident, random or not, that’s all.” I got out as I felt his eyes narrow on me. That’s never a good sign when dealing with Mac Taylor. “Stella, if I were to give in to any doubts that we have regarding the evidence we collect, there would be a whole lot of people who wouldn’t be in prison right now. You know that and I know that. I just don’t understand why this case is different. Why this particular case Stella, why?” He asked after he had calmed down some too. “I’m not sure Mac, but something is telling me that there is more, more to this just being an accident.” I said as I could finally look him in the eye. Mac and I have been friends for so long; I know when I should and need to look him in the eye. I know when I need to look away from him and I know when to push at him. This was one of those times I needed to, I really needed to push at him. He’s right about having doubts regarding evidence, but the doubts in this case were just too great to ignore. I didn’t want to let this go. But, I was beginning to see that Mac knew I wasn’t going to let it go either. I wanted to get across to him that I wasn’t going to drop this until I could prove without a shadow of a doubt this was no accident. “Okay Stella,” the lilt in his voice made me feel more at ease, but I knew he had something on his mind. “You have 24 hours to prove to me that this wasn’t an accident. You have full access to the lab and to anyone who wants to help you, but if you can’t provide me with more sufficient evidence, then I’m ruling it an accident and this case gets closed. Do you understand?” I didn’t need to ask twice. I sat at the evidence table for hours I’m sure. I’m not sure how long I was there but I’m sure it was a while Don started me, after that I decided I needed a break. “Hey Stella, you still here?” He asked as I practically jumped out of my seat. I was pouring over the evidence photos with such a high level of concentration; I didn’t even hear him come in the room. “Detective Angell and I are heading over to McShay’s for a drink, wanna come? Danny said he’ll join us later.” His New York accent echoed in the room we were in. I must not have answered him soon enough, because he leaned his head down next to mine and grabbed a photo off the table. “HEY!” I sternly stated, “I need that!” “What are you doing? I thought Mac closed this case, the babysitter said it was an accident and we didn’t have enough to hold her on.” Don pointed out much to my disgust. “Well, I don’t see it that way,” I snarled snatching the picture back. “Hey, if you change your mind or if Mac kicks you off of this, either way, we’ll be at McShay’s. Hopefully, we’ll see you there.” Flack said slightly laughing. His laughter could be heard as he walked out of the room. More hours passed. My eyes grew tired and strained. Part of me wanted to give up and another part of me wanted to prove Mac wrong. Or maybe prove to myself that I could pull this out, that I could find ‘something’ that wasn’t there. I looked at my watch; 10:30pm it read. I was ready, I was ready to throw in the towel and just let this case close, accident or no accident.
Great job! I love the way you described Stella's thoughts and feelings... Looking forward to more!:bolian::thumbsup:
I haven't forgotten about this fic I'm waiting for the next part ot come back from my beta More up soon ( I really promise )
Here you are Mel. Many thanks to my wonderful beta Waiting. :adore: :luvlove: ~~~~ I wasn’t expecting much when I got home. Or shall I say back to Mac’s place. My stomach hurt, I was tired and I wanted to fade away. The one person I really didn’t want to see was Mac. But who was I kidding, it was his place, I was just staying there. I had made my decision once I turned the key to the door. I was going to move out, find a new place and go on from there. What I didn’t expect is what was waiting for me when I did walk into the apartment. “Mac,” I stumbled out as I saw him standing in the kitchen. The smell of garlic and pasta hit me immediately. My mouth watered and my stomach grumbled as if on cue. “Hi,” He smiled back at me. “I wanted to say ‘I’m sorry’ for our argument we had earlier. I love it and hate it when we fight.” He continued to smile. The way his lips curl into a smile always seem to get to me. “But, there is one thing I can always count on Stella…” he paused. I walked closer to him and the smell of the delicious food covering the kitchen countertop. “What’s that Mac,” I got out before my stomach rumbled again. This time forcing a blush on my cheeks. “You, Stella, I can always count on you, for making me do the right thing. That’s why I love it when we fight. You can see a side of me that I don’t know I have. You push at me like no one else can. And that’s also why I hate it when we fight. I know, deep down, you are right…” he stopped again. This time I ignored the food and focused on him. “Well most of the time, “he continued after a short break in the conversation. I stood there for who knows how long staring, just staring at Mac. I couldn’t put into words what I was feeling but I knew it was a feeling I didn’t want to let go of. I could feel my insides getting warm, a good kind of warm when you are happy about something. Maybe that was it, I was …. happy. Happy to be staying with Mac in his, well his and mine (sort of), apartment. Happy to be in the company of such a good friend, a good man and someone I would lay down my life for knowing he would do the same for me. But more than anything, I realized I was happy that I finally acknowledged the fact that I was in love with Mac Taylor. I pushed that thought out of my head for the millions of reasons that I couldn’t tell him, at least not at that moment. I tried not to act to let it show on my face or act too awkward around him so I said, “Man I’m starving. And by the way, why did you get so much food?” I made my way to the cupboards to grab a plate eager to enjoy the feast Mac had provided. “If you are really good, I have a surprise for dessert.” The playfulness in his voice made me break out in a small giggle. “Oh, what’s that?” I asked thinking I couldn’t image what else he could be referring to. “Let’s just say, it’s your favorite,” He smirked. “Just the way you like them .Oh and by the way, I got Flack to reopen the case.” “Yum, you got cannolli. You know that’s my favorite.” I smiled. “Wait, what? And when did you talk to Flack?” I stumbled out to him. “Funny story,” he said after sliding a piece of bread into his mouth. “I went down to O’Shays looking for you. And well…. let’s just say I interrupted something quite intimate between him and Detective Angell.” Mac said winking. All I could do was keep the same look on my face, to fain interest, although I was happy about Flack and Angell, they make a great couple. But all I really wanted was to be next to Mac. I was fighting with myself. I wanted to walk over to him, place my arms around him and love him and I mean really love him. But I didn’t, I just stood there next to him. I was so close to him I could smell the sweet combination of his skin and the light cologne he was wearing. But, for the second time, I pushed these ideas out of my head and instead filled my stomach with pasta, chicken, bread and one of my favorite dishes; fried ravioli. Then Mac said it, the sentence that changed our future forever. “Stella, you want to know the reason I reopened the case? And the reason I got all the food for us?” “Well yeah I guess,” I got out in between bites. “Like I said, I reopened the case because I knew I had to. If you were pushing at me so hard there had to be a reason for it. I was content to close the case and rule it as an accident but it was YOU Stella, you that convinced me to look closer to see what I has missed. So essentially I have you to thank. I’m sure the D.A. will thank you also when he gets the notification that the case will go to trial.” “Gee Mac; I’m flattered I really am.” I got out before I began to fill myself with more and more food. Maybe if I shoveled food inside of me it would in some way fill the hole in me that I created out of this situation with Mac. I know a crazy idea but that was how I felt. “There’s more.” His voice suddenly became very serious. OH GOD, here it comes, I thought. He wants me out. He doesn’t want anything more from me than what we are…. “Stella, I….I…don’t want you in my extra room anymore.” He began. Where am I going to live? Crossed my mind as I watched the words come out of his mouth. His face began to squirm some. He pulled is mouth to the side as if he was struggling for the words. “Stella”, he started again. We were so close I watched his chest heave up and down as he breathed. “I’m not really sure how to say this….” Now my face scrunched up. I slammed my eyes shut. I couldn’t look at him as he said the words … “Stella, I want you in my bed… next to me.” His voiced forced me to open my eyes. I must have stood there for a while in some sort of trance because I didn’t feel his hand on my shoulder or his other hand on my face for quite a few minutes. I was sort of stunned at what he had just said. “You okay?” He asked smiling. His hand began to stroke my face. The next thing I knew, I slammed down the plate of food I had in my hand on the countertop and my lips were crashing down on his. I felt his lips reacting to mine. Our lips found a nice rhythm. His hands intimately wrapped around my waist, my arms gently wrapped around his neck as we continued to kiss for a few minutes. “Do you know how long I’ve struggled with this?” He said as we pulled apart. “I didn’t know how you would feel about it, but I knew when you showed up at my door….” “Shhhhhh, be quiet,” I cut him off. I placed my hands on his gorgeous face as I came at him again with my lips kissing him very quickly and fervently. I felt Mac’s hands around my waist again, but this time he was trying to pick me up. I had a feeling he wanted to go into the bedroom, but I had other plans. Instead, I pushed my hands against his rock hard chest until we both fell backwards onto the couch. Good thing I landed on top of him instead of on the flood besides the couch. I kissed him fiercely and passionately again and again. I couldn’t get enough of him. My hands quickly found the buttons on his blue shirt and began to unbutton them. I got two or three undone while his hands began to do the same to my shirt. I leaned down and placed kisses all along his neck as I could hear his breathing become quick. I loved it. That feeling that I was making Mac Taylor excited and that Mac Taylor’s hands were on my body wanting to love me too. I felt like I was in a dream or something. To tell the truth, I had imagined what it would be like for Mac and me to make love. I thought about it a lot over the past few days but I never thought it would ever happen. But reality snapped me back to being on top of Mac. The next thing I heard was his voice; commanding and almost angry calling my name over and over. “Stell, Stell, STELLA!” I heard at last. His chest was heaving and he had a grimace on his face. “Oh my GOSH! I’m so sorry Mac.” I cringed. “Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea.” I hung my head against his chest. “No, it’s not that, you were sort of hurting me.” He smirked lifting my head up to meet his caressing the hair off my face. I had completely forgotten about his injury. The one he got while in the Marine’s when he was stationed in Beirut, the one on his left pectoral muscle. The one that I occasionally see him struggling to hide the pain he is in because of. It’s hard for me to imagine what he went through serving his country like that and then to come home to a ‘less than hero’s welcome’ during that time. And to bring a piece of the conflict back with you as a painful reminder still in your body. Mac never talks about it much expect if it’s relevant to a case or something. Don’t get me wrong, he will willingly praise soldiers and Veterans for their service but he is very reluctant to talk about his own experiences. That is just how Mac is. In the midst of our tryst on the couch, I felt like I had violated something sacred, something sacred to him. I felt embarrassed and ashamed, like I was dishonoring him and I felt like I had injured him all over again. But, instead of stopping our rendezvous he did something that made me love him all the more. He took my hand and caressed it lightly. He then gently pulled my hand up to his chest and placed it on his scar. His hand was on top of mine and I could feel his heart beating. He reached for one of my fingers and tenderly traced his scar with my finger. I could feel him watching me as I was transformed by this part of him. I felt the rough skin under my finger. I continued to draw my finger over and over the small patch of skin that has so many memories for him. It was the most intimate moment I have ever experienced with Mac. I couldn’t help but let the tears flow. They dropped onto his strong chest as I lay on top of him with both of our shirts undone. “Oh Mac, thank you sharing that with me…” I got out quietly. “Shhh” “It’s okay. I wanted to share that with you,” he whispered as he wiped away my tears. All I could do was just lay there, against Mac’s chest and let more of my tears flow. There were no words that needed to be said. His hands caressed my wild hair as we lay there wrapped up in each other. My passion and desire for Mac had turned into something more cherished and deep than I imagined. “Stella,” He said my name sounding more like a question than a statement. “Hmmm?” I answered sort of dreading what was going to come next. “I wasn’t trying to be crude…earlier…. when I said I wanted you in my bed. It’s just…it’s just that it came out all wrong.” I could tell he was struggling again with what he wanted to say. “It’s just I never thought we’d end up like ….I sort of hoped… but never thought we’d end up like..” “Like what Mac?” I couldn’t help but tease him some I said as I peered up at him smiling. “Like this… you and me… with our clothes almost off.” He pointed out grasping at his shirt. “But, I have to say, I like it.” Then he kissed me. His kiss was passionate and deep. His hands began to unbutton the rest of the buttons on my shirt. I felt him lightly finger the outside edge of my bra. His breath was becoming quick again; our kiss remained passionate and intense. My hands slid down his chest. I felt it rise up and down with each quick breath he took. “Stell-“ His quiet voice whispered to me, “let me love you. Let me show you how much I love you. Let me make love to you.” I nodded my head in approval knowing that’s what I wanted too. I slid off the couch and from on top of him. He stood and took my hand all in one motion. Without words he led me into his bedroom. His eyes never left me. All the questions and reasons for me not to love him came flooding back. I stood there, in front of Mac, next to his bed wanting him as my head filled with doubts, doubts that would come back and almost end what we started. But that didn’t stop me from letting him touch me or lay me down on the bed. “I love you.” Was the last thing I said before he began to make love to me. “I love you too,” Mac whispered in my ear after kissing my neck. ~~~~ “Morning love,” He whispered in my ear sometime later. I must have been the morning because light was filling the room. I was still in his bed curled up in his covers with my naked body next to his. “MMMM Morning yourself,” I playfully replied. “So, where’s my coffee?” I continued to play rolling halfway to meet him. “Somehow I always figured you a morning person.” Mac sarcastically grinned stroking the hair away from my face. “Well, unless you are a tall double shot with extra foam, I’m not much a morning person at all.” I smiled. “I’d rather have you in the morning instead of coffee any day.” The light in his eyes kept the smile on my face. “Sorry love,” I started, “I can’t say the same about you.” I said tossing a pillow in his direction. “Plus, don’t we have to get to work?” I commented as a mixture of panic and dread filled me. My doubts came back big time. I shot up and almost out of Mac’s bed. Confusion made my stomach knot just thinking about how we would explain ourselves. That idea alone gave me more of a jolt that morning than coffee ever could. “Since Danny can’t get enough of me,” Mac laughed, “he’s already called and asked if and when I’ll be in. I told him that you are also running late so I think we are covered.” “Mac, what are we going to do?” My voice was full of worry. “We are going to go to work, just like every other day.” “But Mac,” I started fueled pangs of guilt. “What’s everyone going to say when we show up together? “That Mac and Stella are at work. It’s never been an issue before, why now?” He looked at me like I was on glue or something. “Well, we weren’t sleeping together before,” I blurted out. He obviously didn’t feel the same pangs of guiltiness or even the anxiety of having to answer the onslaught of questions. I felt weird enough that Mac and I were living together or sharing an apartment together, but to not only deal with that; and the fact that Mac and I shared a bed last night, well I just couldn’t take it. Don’t get me wrong, I never regretted anything that happened between me and Mac. I was just I was very unsure how to approach anything that had to do with him. Would he treat me the same? Would he expect more from me? Would he tell everyone? Well I knew that Mac was very discreet. His love life was now my love life. And knowing Mac, he wouldn’t say anything to anyone anyway. “Look,” I started, “I meant what I said last night Mac; I love you. I love the fact that we made love to each other and I want it, this, I want us to be like this…” I stopped and put my hand on his face. “I’m just not ready to tell the world yet, that’s all.” I sighed. “Then we don’t have to,” he replied stroking my hand on his face. “So, let me get you that ....what was it? A tall double shot with extra foam so you can start the day.” He smiled. “Don’t forget to make it non-fat!” I called to him as he left the room.
Awww, hhunter, what a great fic. I really like the bit about their fight, that is exactly how I see it. When Mac and Stella fight, they make each other see sides of themselves, or angles on a case, they wouldn't see otherwise. And Stella is the only one who can push Mac, that's for sure. She is the only one he lets push him, and vice versa. The scene where Mac confesses his feelings is so sweet, I love how nervous and uncertain they both were. I loved the bit about Mac's scar, how he shares his pain and memories with Stella by simply letting her/encouraging her to touch it, and her thoughts about his military service. Again, she's the only one he would share that with. Great fic.:bolian: Oh, and the Flack/Angell bit, and Mac finding out about them, was great too.