I Want to Trust You

ladyhunter

Head of the Swing Shift
I wrote this because I couldn't shake this feeling. I want Vartann to be involved in the finale not just as Catherine's new lover. So this is what I came up with.
This is based on the episode "Dr. Who" leading up to the finale. I'll post the rest of the story shortly after the finale.

This is also based on the most recent TV Guide spoilers.


Warning: Spoilers for Dr. Who and Meat Jekyll.

Catherine and Jim's friendship and working relationship is put to the test when she goes above him to solve a case....

*
Catherine flicked her eyes open. She blinked a few more times trying to focus on where she was.

The room was white almost sterile with little or no color anywhere. A wood chest of drawers sat next up against the far wall. A small table against the window held a few random pictures. And a pile of clothes; sweats and a t-shirt sat next to the closet along with a pair of running shoes. Catherine smiled as she took in her surroundings. She was at his place in his bed. Somewhere where she wanted to be.

The past 40 hours were a blur to her. All she wanted to do was escape into his arms and not think about Ray, Nicky or Dr. Jekyll. All she wanted to do was listen his breathing as he lay next to her.

The space next to her in the bed was empty. Catherine climbed out of the queen sized bed with the green blanket. Very much a bachelor’s pad. He could do with a few female touches she always though every time she found herself in his bed. Something she could remedy soon though.

Catherine pulled on one of his (hopefully) clean shirts, pulled on her yoga pants that she had conveniently left the last time Catherine was in Lou Vartann’s place.

She followed her nose to the smell of fresh brewing coffee. She spied him in the kitchen doing of all things, cooking. Her heart almost skipped a beat at the sight of the incredibly handsome man cooking.

Her arms wrapped around him from the back. She laid her head into his strong solid back hoping she wasn’t disturbing whatever was filling his kitchen with such good smells.

“Morning,” he muttered stroking his fingers along her arms. He twisted around to look the redhead woman in the eye.

“Morning,” she smiled back looking directly into his steely blue/gray eyes.

She met his lips with a small kiss.

There was so much she wanted to tell him. So much she wanted to say about the case, about Ray, about Brass and about putting it all on the line or eventually giving it all up.

And afterward, she would want him to hold her. Much like he did last night and the night she cried in his arms after Lindsey had moved out and into her dorm for the summer before starting classes at WLVU.

Instead, Catherine held it in. She knew Lou wasn’t as naïve as he sometimes seemed to be. She knew he was one of the most upstanding and even keeled cops she had ever run across. Perhaps that’s why she fell for him, because he’s so mellow, calm, cool and charming. Or perhaps it’s because he’s so even and fair?

Whatever the reason, she felt she couldn’t tell him…. Not yet. Not enough time had passed for her to let him in on what she had done.

Instead she smiled and asked, “So, what’s for breakfast?” It didn’t matter that it was 2:45 in the afternoon. The sun was streaming through the small window off his kitchen. The light weight white sheer curtains provided enough of a barrier from soon to be hot Vegas sun.

“Pancakes,” he answered.

A small twinge of disappointment momentarily came to her. As much as she liked pancakes she was hoping for something different.

“Oh.” Was all she could get out.

She watched a devilish grin come across his face as he turned back to the stove to finish preparing the meal.

Catherine sat down at his small kitchen table. Another place that needs a woman’s touch. After pouring herself a cup of coffee. Something she felt quite comfortable doing.

Coming to his place always felt comfortable to her. Even the first time. Giving each other keys to each other’s places didn’t faze her in the least. She felt secure and safe giving Lou her key and he vice-versa. They had created a very nice, safe, secure routine. A place where both the homicide detective and the CSI supervisor could escape the tragedy, bloodshed, and overall hatred of the outside world .

He told her he would always smile when he came home to find her purse hanging on the closet door handle, her briefcase on the coffee table and her shoes by the front door. And her either on his couch or in his bed. A sight that he has come home to on more than one occasion since their time on the drug stake out.

Their world was safe with each other. And when one or the other needed their privacy and space, not a word needed to be said. Another wonderful result of the life they begun to build together.

She took a few sips of her coffee clearing her head waiting hungrily for whatever he was going to serve her.

A plate appeared in front of her full of eggs mixed with lots of herbs.

“Pancakes huh?” She arched her brow as he sat next to her with an identical plate.

“Yep, just the way you like them,” he smiled an incredible smile that almost made her heart melt.

She watched him almost in awe as he took the first bite. He locked his eyes on her as she sat looking at him.

“Something wrong?” He asked with some concern.

Catherine took her eyes off of him and slowly dug into her breakfast.

She ate a several bites very quickly but as ravenous as she was, she had to ask, she had to open up to him about her plans for the case.

“I was thinking, wouldn’t it be great if we went away somewhere together? Just you and I?” She cursed herself for not asking what she really wanted to.

Oh, she’d love to get away with Lou. To see the Pacific Ocean again. To see the stars as they come out at night. To feel cold mountain air. Or just to sit on a beach somewhere and not think about anything but what to do with the rest of the day and what to have for dinner.

Lou looked up from his plate and gave Catherine a long stare. She felt sort of nervous, like she wasn’t sure what he was going to say.

The moments went by way to slowly for her, she almost felt like walking out and ending whatever it was between them at that moment… instead she took another long sip of her coffee keeping her eyes on him.

He tilted his head after wiping his lips with the back of his hand. Catherine grew more nervous and looked into her cup as she took yet another sip.

“Catherine,” he began. “I would love to get away with you. I hope you know that.”

She let out the long breath she was holding in relief. But she sensed something else from him.

“But?” She asked as her brows arched again.

“But.” He put down his fork. “I think there is more going on here than just us going away together.”

His eyes locked intensely on her. She could feel herself squirm in the chair. She was even more nervous than moments ago when he didn’t answer her.

“What do you mean?” She looked intently at her coffee cup.

“Catherine.” His tone of voice sent chills up her spine.

She couldn’t lie to him. Not anymore. Not like she ever was. But somehow not telling him would protect him and her she felt. But she was there and he was there and she didn’t want trust to be an issue with them. He’s a cop, he’d find out sooner or later.

“Have you ever gone above your boss? Risked your career to do something you aren’t sure is the right thing?

Have you ever disobeyed direct orders?”

Her eyes slammed shut. Her cheeks flushed at the sound of her questions.

She pried one eye open and watched him as he sighed leaning back in his chair.

“I have something to tell you too.” His voice low and steady. A far cry from what she was feeling.

“You first.” She got out trying to conceal her emotions.

“Okay, but I’m not sure you are going to like this,” he started.

“Shoot,” she told him.

“I’ve been transferred.” His words hung between them like stale, stagnant air.

Time stopped. Her heart sank. Catherine couldn’t breath. Nothing moved. Her chest would not expand to let the oxygen in. She felt like the world was going to swallow her up.

All the planning, the long talks with herself about how to keep her decision about her team from him. How her stomach hurt ever time she thought about how she’s putting everything on the line for Ray, to eventually catch a killer. How both her and Lou’s careers and possibly both their lives could end because of it.

“You went over Brass’s head and now I’m being transferred.” His words were flat with no emotion. They filled the emptiness left between them.

He does know.

The air around them went sour again.

“I should get going,” Catherine redirected flatly.

Catherine quietly stood up from the table, walked right past Lou still sitting back in his chair. He didn’t look at her, she didn’t want him to. She couldn’t bear seeing his face and the emotion or lack of that it would hold.

A simple “I’m sorry.” could mean so much or so little. As a man she knew he could hold in his emotions. She thought she could too, but she couldn’t around him. Not this time.

She didn’t want to look at him as she muttered the words anyway hoping it would make up for what she did.

Her eyes closed as she leaned into his cheek placing a quick kiss before heading off to the bedroom.

“Catherine,” he called. She stopped at the sound of her name.

“I care about you, probably more than you want to know right now, but I don’t like this. I don’t like what is going on here.”

Their world stopped once more. No more words.

“I want to trust you, Catherine.” she heard him mutter as she walked by. It sent shivers down her spine.

*

Her stomach finally settled once she reached her office. She was so clear and so direct with Ray about his actions. She even kept it together in front of Brass and Undersheriff Ecklie, which wasn’t always easy.

But why was she so upset about Lou’s transfer? It should have been a good thing. She should be thanking Brass or whomever made the decision to keep him out of what ever was going to shake down. But then, why was she so upset? She felt betrayed. And now almost remorseful. She was also betraying someone, and it made her feel even worse.

Turn about is fair play, she chided to herself.


Catherine placed her glasses on her head and began to mindless click the keys on her computer passing one email after another. Her mind wouldn’t focus.

Too much at stake, too much to loose, too much to give up. And for what? The off chance that Nathan Haskell could possibly lead Ray to Dr. Jekyll? But it was too late; she had already made that decision, now she could possibly pay for it in more than one way.

After what seemed like an eternity in her office doing more mindless work, she heard a familiar voice in the hallway. One she didn’t want to acknowledge but she knew she had to.

“Jim,” she breathed effortlessly like she didn’t have a care in the world.

The seasoned detective could see right through her. She didn’t have to say anymore.

She flicked her eyes down in shame as he sat in the chair across from her desk.

“How ya doing Catherine?” He asked with genuine concern.

“I’m okay, I’m good. Why?”

“Well with everything that happened with Ray, I wanted to check in on you. To see how you are.” Jim Brass’s eyes squinted as he read Catherine like a book. A trait she wished her long time friend didn’t possess.

“What’s… what’s going on Jim? I thought for sure you’d be with Ray chasing down leads on Dr. Jekyll. I know Archie still has the security cam footage from the casino.” Catherine attempted to get to the point. She knew neither one of them could hold in the true reason why Jim Brass was in her office.

“You know for as long as I’ve known you, I never got the feeling I couldn’t trust you,” the detective started.

Catherine, the CSI Supervisor sat in silence, uncomfortable silence while she listened to her friend talk about the choice she made.

“But why did you go over my head? Why did you tell Ecklie that I was okay with having Haskell out of prison and back in Vegas? Why Catherine?”

Her world stopped again. She couldn’t speak. All she heard was a ringing in her ears. Everything else was shut down. She couldn’t think let alone talk.

Time passed slowly as the Police Captain sat patiently across from her watching her every move, knowing she could have made a very costly mistake, but also knowing her all to well that she wasn’t that comfortable about it either. She knew it, he knew it.

Catherine did the first thing that came to mind, the first thought that filled her head was the first sentence she gave back to the questions he was asking.

“Why did Lou Vartann get transferred?” Another question she wasn’t sure she wanted to hear the answer to.

Jim Brass’s eyes widened. He didn’t expect her to ask that question, but she did.

“Look, whatever you and Lou have going on, hey, I think it’s great. I mean, yea, it’s about time the two of you got together. Gosh, I can’t think of how many times I’ve caught him look at you…”

“That’s not the point Jim,” she flung to him.

His hands went up in defense. “Because it’s a conflict of interest.”

“How? How is it a conflict of interest? Because he reports to you? Or because you don’t want him near me?” She couldn’t control the hurt and anger coming out in her voice.

“Hey,” Brass smiled, “like I said, I really think it’s great that the two of you hooked up. I mean who do you think put you two in that hotel room together?”

“But that’s not the issue here is it now Catherine? Plus it’s out of my hands. If Vartann wants to transfer back here, he’s more than welcome.” He was suddenly very serious.

“Then what is it Jim? Why is it so important that he no longer report to you?”

She waited. She watched her friend and colleague of many years tell her something was out of his hands.
“Again Catherine, it’s a conflict of interest and that’s all I’m going to say on the matter.”

What seemed like a very long silence between them was broken when the detective asked,
“So, tell me Catherine, when were you going to tell me about Haskell’s transfer? Did you think I wouldn’t find out? Don’t you think I would have known if I had given permission to Ecklie about it? I was just talking to him before I came here.”


Her jaw dropped. She had to take a minute to compose herself. She took in a deep breath, “Because I had to.”

“I don’t buy it,” Jim Brass quickly retorted.

“It’s the only way we can catch Jekyll. We have run out of leads and frankly I had no other choice.” Catherine finally let it out. She felt sort of relieved at the moment.
Like a weight had been lifted off her chest.

“I’m telling you Catherine, I have a feeling about this, its not going to end well.”

“No offence Jim, but right now, I don’t care about that. I care about catching Jekyll.”

“Uh, Catherine, I don’t think that’s all you care about. Otherwise you wouldn’t have made such a big deal over Lou’s transfer.”

“I think you and I both know it’s not going to end well, that’s why you are so concerned about him. Well that and … you know.”

“Listen Jim,” she struggled to conceal her annoyance and frustration at the conversation, “I really don’t have time for this. Haskell is on his way here and I want to be prepared like I assume you want your guys to be. So unless you want to chew my ass out for something else, I think we have some work to do.” Fear and relief were mixing up inside her as she spoke.

“Okay Catherine, have it your way.” The police captain got up to leave, “I hope you know what you’re doing.”

A statement she didn’t need to hear.

“Oh and I always thought I could trust you. I want to trust you. I mean you are twice the supervisor Grissom ever was and I’d lay down my life for him. You, I’m not so sure anymore.”

And with that, Jim Brass was gone.
 
Here is the second chapter. It's also up on ff.net. I think I'm going to wait to write more to see how the finale turns out.


*


Catherine sat in the conference room with only a table that separated her from the others. People, nameless, faceless people there to ask, just a few questions. But it felt more like an interrogation room.

“CSI Willows,” a disembodied voice began, “On April 1st of this year you and Detective Vartann were on a case in the Diamond Dust hotel. Is that correct?”

“Yes,” she quickly answered.

“Tell me about it,” the voice stated.

“I believe you have all read the report.” Catherine made another quick reply.

“I and well, we want to know what happened. Because it has come to our attention that more happened in that hotel room than is in the report.”

“I don’t understand, what does this have to do with me? Why all of a sudden are you asking about that case? It was over a month ago, and from what I understand, it has already gone to trial. What exactly are you gentlemen getting at?”

“What we are getting at is the exact nature of your relationship.”

“Nature of our relationship?” She asked defensively.

“Okay, answer me this, is it true there was, how shall I say, sexual contact between you two?”

“Sexual...cont…” Catherine couldn’t stammer out the words. The line of questioning was way too ridiculous for her to be even answering.

“I believe you heard me.” The voice, the unidentified voice filled the room. Surrounding Catherine with its relentless questions.

Questions that were either none of their business or were a waste of time since a real killer was out there still after the newest member of her team.

She knew there was no escaping the questions. So it was just as easy to answer them and to move on.

Catherine took in a deep breath, “He kissed me. Is that was you are referring to?”

“Go on,” the voice stated.

“We were on a stake out. The suspect and a young woman arrived on the floor the same time I did. I knocked on the door just as the suspect walked by. Detective Vartann, opened the door, thinking very quickly on his feet, so to speak, kissed me as to not blow our cover.”

“There, is that what you want to hear?” She couldn’t hide the annoyance any longer.

“We believe there is more.”

That’s what happened. And I suggest if you want more, you talk to him.”

“Don’t worry Ms. Willows, we will.”

“Let me ask you this.” A different voice filled the room. “Are you two dating?”

“Dating?” Another absurd question, she thought.

“I’m sorry. I don’t understand what you are asking. And what does any of this have to do with me and the Dr. Jekyll case?”

“We also understand that you voiced some concern after learning about his transfer. We would like to take the time to address that concern. And possibly learn your motives for authorizing the transfer of serial killer out of prison to aid in your investigation. That’s why we called you here today.”

She wasn’t sure if she should feel better or worse.

Catherine swallowed hard. Boy, news travels fast. Despite the sick feeling she got every time she thought about the decision she made, she knew she had to stand by it. What kind of supervisor would she be if she didn’t? Plus, as she told Brass, she really didn’t have any other choice. She also knew she was going to pay for her decision one way or another.

“Dating?” She asked hesitantly.

Yet another nameless voice asked, “Are you two intimate?”

She shrugged her shoulders, gave out a sigh and clicked her tongue.

“I see where this is going and I’m not sure you have any right to ask it.” The Supervisor side of her came out. She was not going to let them on to anything they didn’t need to know.

“Supervisor Willows, we are just addressing your concern over his transfer. It seemed that if you really didn’t care about the detective like that, it wouldn’t bother you that he no longer reports to Captain Brass. One would also assume that since you didn’t deny, in so many words, that you are ‘dating’, why wouldn’t you be concerned about him being transferred?”


Her stomach churned again, the sick feeling came to her as she tried to swallow it down. She took in a few breaths trying to gather her thoughts.

As much as she didn’t want to, she had to tell the truth or at least what they wanted to hear. It was easier than not saying anything. That way she could at least clear the air. Get on with the inevitable showdown with Nate Haskell.

“I’ll ask again Supervisor Willows, are you and Detective Vartann intimate?”

“Yes.” Details weren’t important. They got what they came for.

Then the questions stopped. What started; the whispers, the looks in her direction then more whispers.

Things she knew they were saying. The room full of men. Men who thought they could rattle her and make her weak or show some sort of vulnerability, especially when it came to Lou.

She kept up her Teflon exterior as they continued to look in her direction and look back at each other. She wasn’t going to let them do that. Not today, and hopefully not ever.

Time passed slowly as she watched them, these men. Who were supposedly deciding her future as a CSI Supervisor.

“Ms Willows.” The silence was broken. “That is all we need from you. We thank you for your time.”

“So, we are done here?” She asked very hesitantly not really knowing what was accomplished.

“Yes, we are done,” a voice replied.

“Oh,” another voice added, “just to inform you, starting next week, Detective Louis Vartann will report to Captain Baker at Metro North at the patrol desk.”

She stood up and exited the room as quietly and concerned as when she went in.

Catherine stopped on the other side of the door. She dotted her tongue on her top lip. She tried to make sense of what just happened. She knew what happened…….

Not only did he get transferred, he got demoted.

“I’m sorry Lou,” she closed her eyes and muttered quietly.

As she slowly walked away from the room where the men were deciding her future, she knew she had already paid for her decision and Nate Haskell had yet to come to town.
 
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