CSI Las Vegas: "Scars" by Tuffel 21

SaraSidle_girl

Pathologist
This is a fanfic that is now 32 chapters long and going further.. I'll post a few chapters and see if anyone likes it.. It does contain femslash!
Pairing: Sara/Catherine.. later on Stella Bonasera kicks in

I do not own CSI.. once I'm done, I'll leave then right where I found them.


“People, listen up” Grissom said and the other CSI’s sitting at the table now turned to him “for the upcoming week, we will be joined by a reporter. She works for a science magazine and writes a story about CSI’s. She will interview some of you, watch some of you work, stuff like that. So please, just help her out”

“Her?” Greg asked eager and the others laughed

“I bet its an old, ugly woman” Warrick teased him and they laughed even harder. Catherine, who sat next to Warrick, glanced at Sara. Only to find her glance back to her and she quickly turned her eyes away, feeling she was turning red.

At that same moment the door to the room opened and all CSI’s looked up. Grissom smiled as she stepped up to the young woman that was now standing in the doorstand. He shook her hand and than lead her to the table where the others sat.

“May I introduce; Dana Porter” Grissom said and he looked around the group “Dana, please meet; Nick, Warrick, Catherine, Greg and Sara”

Catherine narrowed her eyes as she watched Dana look around. She had short black hair and what seemed to be darkgreen eyes but it was hard to tell. She wore a black top with one bare arm and one arm coverd with a sleeve, and baggy blank jeans. She had many bracelets around her wrists, and what seemed to be four different necklaces around her neck.

“Hi” Dana said and her eyes suddenly rested on Catherine for a moment, like she had felt she was being observed “don’t worry. I am not here to mess up you work and I am not here to be in your way. If someone tells me to back off, I will. I just want to see how CSI’s work to make sure my article will look ok”

“How old are you?” Gres asked and Dana looked at him.

“22, why?”

“He’s just looking for a date” Sara quickly answered and all the other CSI’s laughed. So did Dana and her eyes met Sara’s.

Catherine saw what happened and felt how her body suddenly became tensed and defensive. She looked at Dana and was determind not to like her.

“People, lets go to work. Catherine and Sara, I have a murder in the Tangiers. Nick and Warrick, you two do a hit and run” Grissom handed the assigments.

Catherine felt happy. She and Sara got to work together on this case which meant they would spend a lot of time together the next few days. She stood up and looked at Sara. She stood up too and now her brown eyes turned to meet her blue eyes.

“I’ll meet you outside” Sara said. Catherine raised her eyebrows but went outside anyway. Jut before she left the hallway she turned around and witnessed Sara and Dana talk before Sara followed her.

“What was that about?” Catherine asked as she sat behind the wheel and Sara stepped in the car on the passengersseat. Sara looked at her and pulled up her shoulders.

“Dana asked if she could talk to me some time when we get back from the crime scene” Sara answered and turned on the radio, and than she searched for a good station.

“I hate it when people are walking around, interfering with our work” Catherine said agitated and glanced at Sara. Her long, slim fingers were rumbling on her knees, following the beat of a rock song played on the radio.

“I don’t know” Sara answered and looked at Catherine “how else would people write a good story if you don’t know what its like in the field?”

Catherien sighed. “But why does it have to be our field?”

------------------------------------------------------------

A few hours later, Catherine and Sara returned to the lab. They had collected evidence and were now ready to process it. They walked down the hall when Catherine spotted Dana. She rolled her eyes and wanted to turn around but it was too late.

“Catherine, right?” Dana asked to be sure and Catherine took a deep breath.

“Yes” Catherine answered and Sara looked at her in surprise. It was not like Catherine to be this cold to someone “Let me guess, you wanna talk to me?”

“If its not to much trouble” Dana said friendly and her eyes flashed to Sara for a moment who stood behind Catherine.

“Well, it is” Catherine replied “I have work to do. We have a case on our hands and it won’s solve itself by talking. Come on, Sara?”

“You go ahead Cath” Sara answered and Catherine quickly turned to face her, her eyes flashing in anger “I can talk to Dana for a moment. If you don’t mind?”

“I..” Catherine swallowed the rest of her words and weakly smiled “Its ok. I’ll see ya later”

Catherine walked off and Dana watched her before she turned to face Sara again. “Is she always so violent towards people?”

“Normally, thats me” Sara answered and she smiled “I think the coffee room is free. We can talk there. So, how long have you been a reporter?”

“Just a few months. And I am still going to college so officially, I am nothing. But my father works for the magazine and he took me in. If I make this assigment work, I have proven myself to be good enough” Dana answered as Sara held the door open.

They sat down at the table and Dana took her notes and questions.

------------------------------------------------------------

Catherine was on her way to see Grissom when she passed the coffee room. She frooze when she witnessed Sara and Dana having an animated conversation. She suddenly realised it had been over an hour since Sara went off with Dana.

For just a moment, Catherine felt the urge to burst into the room and yell at Dana to back off. But she restrained herself and watched Sara. Her brown eyes, her brown hair. Her nose, her lips. Her arms resting on the table. The curves of her body.

When had this all started? She didn’t even know. Just one day, she seen a totally different Sara Sidle. A gorgeous, beautiful woman. She took every chance to be around her. One time she had even asked Grissom to pair her up with Sara for a case.

Suddenly, Sara looked up and saw Catherine watching. Around her lips, a faint smile appeared and than she turned back to Dana.

Catherine felt the butterflies in her stomach now that Sara smiled. She wanted to walk away when she saw something in the corner of her eye. Dana reached out a hand and let it rest on Sara’s arm for just a second. Catherine felt the beast inside of her rise up. Why was she touching Sara? What was it with that gesture?

“Catherine?”

She turned around. Grissom stood behind her and she quickly got herself together.

“I was on my way to see you” she answered and followed him into his office.

------------------------------------------------------------

From the corner of her eye, Sara saw Catherine walk away. Ever since she had seen her standing outside, watching her, she had felt different. Catherine had been on her mind for months now and for a few times she had to tried to make clear she wanted a bit more than just work together but somehow Catherine never got it. Or maybe, she didn’t feel it too.

Her feelings for Catherine had only grown stronger the past few weeks and there were moments she was sure Catherine felt something too. But at other times she wasn’t sure. And now she had been watching her and Dana, with a dark look in her eyes. Almost furious.

The conversation between her and Dana was no longer about working as a CSI but had now turned into a talk about their High School periods.

“Still there?” Dana asked and waved her hand before Sara’s eyes

“Yeah sorry” Sara answered “where were we?”

“High School” Dana asnwered and her green eyes met Sara’s “you told me you were a science nerd. A geek. You didn’t have many friends, you were a loner. Didn’t go to parties”

Sara smiled. “I bet you were the opposite of me”

“Wrong” Dana answered “I was a loner too. I didn’t have any friends at all. I spend my time reading and writing or listening to music” She checked her watch “We have been talking for more than an hour. I have to go and work out these notes”

“Sure” Sara answered and they stood up. Once outside, she saw Catherine talking to Warrick and she approached her.”Hey Cath”

“Did she finally let you go?” Catherine snapped and Sara raised her eyebrows.

“I’m sorry” Catherine answered “I just.. I had to work alone for over an hour and that bothered me. The next time, just keep it short, ok? I think I found something by the way..”

Sara followed her into the lab and followed Catherine to the evidence. It was all spread on the table and Catherine pointed out what she had found. Sara’s hands rested on the table as she listened to what Catherine told her.

“So, if he says he never touched her body, than how come he has blood on his cloaths?” Catherine concluded and turned to Sara “he did touch her. Or maybe, he even murdered her” She let her hand rest on Sara’s for a moment.

Sara looked up now that Catherine touched her and she smiled. “You’re amazing, Catherine. Shall we go for a beer later?”
 
Song mentioned in this chapter "She's every woman - Garth Brooks"

“Wanna go for that beer now, Cath?”

Sara looked up as Catherine passed her by. Catherine turned to face her and Sara saw the destraction in her eyes. Catherine looked tired and she rubbed over her eyes.

“Do you mind if we go some other time?” she asked and stepped closer to Sara “I am.. tired. I think I’ll just go home and spend some time with Lindsay”

“Sure” Sara answered and put a hand on Catherine’s arm for a moment, causing a warm feeling in her stomach “just keep it cool, ok?”

“Will do” Catherine said and walked out of the room “enjoy yourself, Sidle”

“Like that is ever gonna happen when you’re gone” Sara said to herself and focused on her work. With Catherine gone working wasn’t as fun as it used to be but she had to do something now that she was gone. Without even realising, she softly began to sing.

She's sun and rain, she's fire and ice
A little crazy but it's nice
And when she gets mad, you best leave her alone
'Cause she'll rage just like a river
Then she'll beg you to forgive her
Oh, she's every woman that I've ever known.


“Song about you?”

Sara quickly looked over her shoulder, turning deepred now that she was caught singing. Nick stood in the doorway and he looked at her with a devilish grin on his face.

“Nope” she answered tough and returned to her work

“It could be about Catherine too. It sure matches her description” Nick continued and he waited for a reaction. Sara bit her lip and kept on processing her evidence. She didn’t plan on telling him every time she heard this song, she thought about Catherine.

“Did I hear someone say Catherine?”

Sara turned an even deeper shade of red when she heard Catherine’s voice come from behind Nick and she looked up.

“Sara was singing and she said it wasn’t about her. So I guessed it was about you” Nick answered like he was trying to trick either one of them “said something about when she gets mad its best to leave her alone. That sure fits you..”

Catherine looked at Sara and saw the deepred colour on her face. She weakly smiled and stepped into the lab. “I forgot something” she said as she approached Sara.

“Sar, Dana is looking for ya” Nick reported “I said I’d pass on the message..”

Catherine immidiatly turned around now that Nick mentioned Dana.

“Why?” she asked before Sara even got the chance and Sara’s eyes flashed to Catherine in surprise.

“I thought you had to go home and spend time with Lindsay” Sara remarked and than looked at Nick “where can I find Dana?”

“Outside, I think she’s smoking” Nick answered and Sara finished up her stuff, gave Catherine one more look and than she left the lab to find Dana.

“What do you think of that Dana person?” Catherine asked as she turned to face Nick. He pulled up his shoulders.

“She’s ok, I suppose. She asked a lot of questions about our work” Nick answered and he observed Catherine’s face for a few seconds “she also mentioned you were rather unfriendly towards her. I told her she might have gotten onto your territory”

Catherine raised her eyebrows. “Stokes, are you trying to tell me something? What territory?”

“Sidle territory” Nick answered with a straight face

“Sidle territory?” Catherine spat and her eyes flashed in anger “and what the hell is that supposed to mean, Nick!” She stepped up closer to him and Nick took a few steps back. An angry Catherine was not something to mess with.

“Nothing” he quickly said and rushed out of the lab. Catherine first wanted to go after him but changed her mind and went outside. She heard a car door open and she turned her head to see where it came from. She saw Sara and Dana stand by Sara’s car. Sara had just stepped in and Dana stepped into the passengersside.

Catherine headed towards Sara’s car but Sara drove off before she had even reached it. Catherine rolled her eyes and sighed.

“Damn it” she said to herself and than walked to her own car.

------------------------------------------------------------

“Here you go” Sara said and she handed a beer to Dana. She sat down across her at the table and drank from her own beer.

After Catherine had turned down her invitation to go out tonight and after what had happened in the lab, she had met Dana outside. Nick had been right, she was smoking. They stood together for awhile without speaking and out of nowhere Sara had asked if Dana wanted to come and have a beer instead.

“So, how did you decide to become a reporter?” Sara asked and looked at Dana “it doesn’t really sound like a job young women want these days? They want to be an actress, a singer or a model? Lawyers maybe? Anything that pays well?”

“Why did you become a CSI?” Dana smiled and laughed “I want to do what I do best. Write. And I can write about all sorts of things, I get to see all sorts of things. Things other people would never get a chance to see. I get to meet all sorts of interesting people”

“True. You like to write than, huh?” Sara asked

Dana nodded. “It was my way to survive in the world. I never really got people around me but most of all, people never really got me. They didn’t really understand me. I.. I lost my head in things. Got messed up, freaked out..”

The look in her eyes became distant.

Sara suddenly realised the song she sang earlier in the lab was played on the radio and she was confronted with the realisation she missed Catherine. How she wanted to be here but Catherine had turned her down. But this song, almost every word, described her emotions and feelings when it came to Catherine.

She's sun and rain, she's fire and ice
A little crazy but it's nice
And when she gets mad, you best leave her alone
'Cause she'll rage just like a river
Then she'll beg you to forgive her
Oh, she's every woman that I've ever known.

She's so New York and then L.A.
And every town along the way
She's every place that I've never been
She's makin love on rainy nights
She's a stroll through Christmas lights
And she's everything I want to do again.

It needs no explanation
'Cause it all makes perfect sense
For when it comes down to temptation
She's on both sides of the fence.

No it needs no explanation
'Cause it all makes perfect sense
When it comes down to temptation
She's on both sides of the fence.

She's anything, but typical
She's so unpredictable
Oh but even at her worst she ain't that bad
She's as real as real can be
And she's every fantasy
Lord she's every lover that I've ever had
And she's every lover that I've never had



“Are you seeing someone?”

Sara nearly chocked on her beer when Dana asked that question and she caughed.

“What? Wrong question?” Dana quickly asked but Sara shook her head and restored herself.

“No, its not a wrong question. I just.. didn’t expect it, that’s all” Sara answered and looked at her hands “to be honest, I don’t have really good experiences with love. I guess if I knew what love was it would sure make me understand it better. But back to you. You got messed up? How?”

“I lost it, somewhere down the road” Dana said on a poetic tone “with all sorts of things happening I became scarred. On the inside. I felt things I did not understand.”

“Scarred? Like you were hurt?” Sara asked, becoming more interested in Dana every minute that she spend with her “on the inside?”

“I guess you can call it that” Dana answered “scarred. Like you”

“Me?”

“Yeah, you. You are scarred too, Sara. You don’t trust people” Dana answered them “correct me if I am wrong. I know you won’t. You’ve been hurt. Your life has been signed by what happened. You have scars on your soul, on your heart...”

Sara closed her eyes. How could she deny? It was true.

“I think its better if we just leave it here” she answered and looked up to meet Dana’s green eyes. She felt swept away by them, like they could see right through her. Dana saw things nobody else had ever seen. Things she had been hiding for nobody to see.

“Sure” Dana answered and suddenly she took Sara’s hand into her own “you have to let someone in, Sara. You need to trust someone or else the wounds and the scars will never heal. I know, believe me. Let the scars heal”

“And who’s gonna heal them?” Sara questioned and stood up “who’s gonna heal them? Time? You? Catherine? My parents? Maybe just me or maybe just no one?

Dana stood up and stepped up to face Sara. Their eyes locked and Dana carefully let her fingers follow the lines of Sara’s face. “Whoever you will let in” She rose to her toes and briefly kissed Sara on her lips.

“You’ll have to learn to love, Sara Sidle” she said and walked away “I’ll take a cab”

------------------------------------------------------------

Sara stared at the ceiling of her bedroom. She couldn’t sleep. Ever since she got home she had been thinking about what had happened between her and Dana.

That young woman had touched her somehow. Deep inside. She had reached into a part of her heart of which she didn’t even know it existed. Deeper than someone had ever done before. Not even Catherine.

Those amazing green eyes had made her shiver ever since she had first entered the room. Her smile had made her stomach twist and turn.

But what about Catherine? Had it not been Catherine who had made her first aware of the fact she could feel butterflies, how she blushed when Catherine smiled and how she glowed when Catherine touched her?

But now it was Dana who had shown her she was interested in her. Catherine had not. Catherine had never shown any interest in her whatsoever besides being coworkers and friends. But she never made an attempt to achieve something more loving than that.

“Maybe its time to stop hoping and go for someone who actually is interested in me” Sara thought and closed her eyes. She was tired. So tired. All Dana had said had touched her so deeply. Dana was right. She was scarred. And she was afraid to love.

------------------------------------------------------------

“Sidle”

“Its Catherine. Open the door”

“Huh, what?” Sara answered. She had just picked up her cellphone and was surprised to hear Catherine’s voice. Why did she ask her to open the door? Than she looked at the clock and sighed. She overslept.

“Hang on”

She hung up and minutes later she opened the door, half dressed up and with a toothbrush in her mouth. Catherine looked at her and couldn’t help but smiling. Sara looked rather funny.

“How was your date with Dana?”

“It was not a date” Sara answered as she returned to the bathroom “and why do you care? I’d expect a question like that from Greg”

“He forced me to ask” Catherine lied and looked around the livingroom “Dana came in this morning, asking about you. Are you sure there is nothing going on?”

Sara returned and looked up to Catherine. “I think I like her”

Catherine felt a stung in her chest. She swallowed hard and turned her back to Sara, pretending she was looking at a painting. “You do?”

“Yes, I do” Sara answered and stared at Catherine’s back “I think I might wanna persue a relationship with her”

“With a woman?” Catherine asked and slowely turned around. Her blue eyes met Sara’s.

“Does that surprise you?” Sara replied but Catherine shook her head “come on, we’d better go, Cath. I’ll buy some breakfast along the way.” She rushed out of the door and Catherine followed her.

A tear dripped down her cheeck.
 
“Catherine?”

Catherine turned around and saw Dana standing behind her. She bit her lip not to go straight for her throat and strangle her. After all that had happened yesterday and what Sara told when she picked up, she disliked Dana even more and she was sure to prefend a relationship between her and Sara from happening.

“Yes?” she said and tried to sound friendly

“Can we talk for a moment?” Dana asked “about your work here?”

“Sure” Catherine answered and she and Dana left the lab.

She felt Sara’s eyes burning in her back as they left. She hadn’t really spoken to Sara ever since she had she wanted to be with Dana, though Sara had made a few attempts, Catherine had cut them off every time, leaving Sara confused.

Catherine watched Dana sit down. Again today, she had one arm coverd while the other was bare. She raised an eyebrow cause almost immidiatly she had an idea about what she might be hiding.

“How long have you been a CSI?” Dana asked. She hadn’t noticed how Catherine looked at her and neither had she sensed her hostility

“A few years” Catherine answered and tried to remember “like six or something. I don’t really know. And before you ask how I became a CSI.. I worked as an exotic dancer first. I used that to get myself through nightschool. So, that was the history class. Now what?”

“Do you have a problem with me being here?” Dana had fired the question so suddenly that Catherine had barely time to react “you are rather unfriendly towards me and two of your coworkers say I may have stepped onto your territory”

Catherine rolled her eyes and tried to find a way to talk herself out of this.

“I am just not used to people hanging around and watching my work” she lied and looked at Dana “I just do not feel comfortable with that. I am sorry if that reflected onto you as if I don’t like you. I don’t judge people that fast. I am sorry. But I have to warn you..”

“Warn me?” Dana didn’t understand and with questioning eyes she glanced at Catherine

“Sara Sidle” Catherine answered and smiled but did not mean it “she’s a real handfull. I just wanted you to know that. Don’t think you know what she’s like in just one day, Dana. I have known her for a few years and she keeps on surprising me.”

“Allright” Dana answered and she looked like she thought about what Catherine had said “now lets get back to the interview than. Can you tell me something about the way you work?”

------------------------------------------------------------

Sara passed the room where Dana and Catherine were talking and she stopped to look at both of them. Dana sat with her back towards her and did not see her. Catherine did and when she noticed Sara, the look in her eyes changed.

“No..” Sara whispered to herself when inside of her the warm glow rose up “no.. not Catherine.”

She quickly walked on but kept on feeling and kept on seeing Catherine’s eyes in her head. She looked hurt, disappointed. She had never seen her like this.

------------------------------------------------------------

“Sara, wait!”

Catherine ran down the hall to catch up with Sara and took her by her shoulder when she reached her. Sara slowely turned around and looked into Catherine’s eyes. So deepblue, like an ocean. She observed her face and felt the urge to just let her fingers crawl through her blond hair. To step even closer and just hide herself in her arms.

“Can we go for that beer later?” Catherine asked friendly and never took her hand of Sara’s shoulder “I euhm.. I want to talk to you, if that’s allright?”

“Sure” Sara answered and turned her head away “I’d like that..”

Catherine nodded. “That’s good. I have to go see Grissom now. I’ll talk to ya later, allright?” She turned around and walked away.

Sara watched her leave and covered her face with her hands. She felt broken inside. Never had she felt more torn apart about two people than she did now. Her feelings for Catherine were so strong and powerfull but how could they ever be realised? Her feelings for Dana were warm and they were answered..

“Sara?”

Now what?

She turned around and faced Dana. They hadn’t spoken since last night and she didn’t really know what to say to her. What she said about scars and being scarred on the inside haunted her all day.

“I need to explain some things” Dana said and bit her lip “can we go for coffee or something?”

“I talked to Catherine”

“You did?”

“I did” Dana answered “well, that is quite a woman. She’s... something”

“Tell me about it” Sara answered but than changed the subject “why did you want to talk?”

“About last night. About what I said” Dana answered and her face changed into a mask of sorrow “I want to show you something but you have to promiss me you won’t walk away..”

She carefully rolled down the sleeve she had around her left arm, revieling her bare skin to Sara. But her skin was not natural like a normal arm would be. It was covered with scars, up and down and her arm. There were scars on her arm, her wrists, everywhere Sara could see.

“This is why I know so much about scars, Sara” Dana answered “I have enough myself.”

“Do you cut yourself?” Sara questioned

“I used to” Dana answered and her eyes locked with Sara’s “but I learned that you need to trust people if you want to make things better. You need to let someone in, someone who understands you. Finding love can make that happen, you know”

“You found love?”

“I lost it” Dana answered “she left me for someone else and that hurts. But, I let people in my life now. I have friends. And I am ready for a new love. Are you?”

------------------------------------------------------------

“Grissom, can I talk to you for a moment?” Catherine walked into his office and closed the door behind her. Nobody else needed to hear her plan to make everything go away and get things back to the way they were.

She wanted things to go back the way they were. She needed to get Sara back. She needed to let her know how she felt but now Dana had taken her away. She was so sure Sara also felt something for her but ever since Dana arrived, she had changed.

She couldn’t stand it. She had never in her life experienced jealousy like this before and it was not like her to play it this way, but she saw no other way.

“Sure. How can I help you?” Grissom looked up from his books and saw an agitated Catherine walk through his office

“By getting that annoying reporter off our backs. She keeps on taking away Sara from the case we have on our hands, she wants to interview on the most terrible moments and she follows us around the lab!” Catherine spit out all of her irritations “and most of all, I just hate her guts! I can’t stand her!”

Grisssom just let her blow of steam.

“She asks stupid questions about things she doesn’t even understand. She thinks she can walk in and out whenever she likes and mess things up. This morning she ruined one of the DNA samples Greg was processing. Nick was lucky he had another one or else his entire case was blown to hell. She went out with Sara and Sara overslept as a result of that. And now she took Sara again! I want her out!”

“Than tell her so” Grissom answered animated “feel free to send her out anytime, Catherine. You do have that right, did I forget to mention that when I brought her in?”

“Yes, you did” she hissed “and Dana’s history for this CSI lab. As soon as she and Sara return, I’ll kick her out..!”
 
Back
Top