Chuck Norris lines CSI character style

This was inspired by a couple of posts in the NY section...they got to discussing lines about Mac based on some sort of Chuck Norris thing. The two I remember are

When Mac Taylor does pushups, he doesn't move, the earth does

Mac Taylor doesn't sleep, he waits.

Whoever came up with these, I give you all the credit for them...but I couldn't help wondering if we could come up with more lines like that for any CSI characters.

 

I love Chuck Norris Facts. They crack me up!

When Nick Stokes falls in water, Nick Stokes doesn't get wet. Water gets Nick Stokes.

A picture is worth a thousand words. A Nick Stokes is worth 1 billion words.

Gil Grissom doesn't actually write books, the words assemble themselves out of fear.

 

:lol: I love these.

There is no 'ctrl' button on Mac Taylor's computer. Mac Taylor is always in control.

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Horatio Caine.

Gil Grissom is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

 

Lol, this is funny

There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Gil Grissom has allowed to live.

If you spell Horatio Caine in Scrabble, you win. Forever.

Horatio Caine has two speeds: Walk and Kill.
(This one's actually true :lol

Mac Taylor uses pepper spray to spice up his steaks.

 

LOL this is an awesome thread

Mac Taylor sleeps with a pillow under his gun.

Gil Grissom can divide by zero.

It takes Mac Taylor 20 minutes to watch 60 minutes.

Gil Grissom can win a game of Connect Four in three moves.

Gil Grissom and Mac Taylor walked into a bar. The bar was instantly destroyed, as that level of awesomeness cannot be contained in one building.

 

In a fight between Batman and Darth Vader, the winner would be Nick Stokes

The truth will set you free. Unless Nick Stokes has you, in which case, forget it buddy!

One time, Nick Stokes accidentally stubbed his toe. It destroyed the entire state of Ohio.
(Dude I'm from Ohio, this one makes me giggle)

To be or not to be? That is the question. The answer? Nick Stokes

 

haha, these things are hilarious.

Mac Taylor knows where Carmen Sandiego is.

Horatio Caine sleeps with a night light. Not because Horatio Caine is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Horatio Caine.

If paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, what beats all 3 at the same time? Answer: Mac Taylor.

Although it is not common knowledge, there are actually three sides to the Force: the light side, the dark side, and Horatio Caine.

 

**on the floor laughing**....... ok im better now.


Crop circles aren't caused by aliens. They are caused by Horatio Caine telling the corn to lie down.

Horatio Caine counted to infinity... twice.

I heard Horatio Caine can slam a revolving door.

 

Nick Stokes is what Willis was talkin' 'bout.

 

Guns carry Horatio Caine for protection.

 

Yeah luffy! Or should I say Huffy? Alright, I'll stick to the point.

I am not brilliant enough to come up with these so I'll just enjoy y'all's brilliance!

 

Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Horatio Caine.

On the SAT, if you put Mac Taylor for every answer you will score over 8000.

In the medical community, death is refered to as "Horatio Caine disease".

Only Mac Taylor can prevent forest fires.

 

:lol: Didn't even know you were on Talk CSI until now! Of course, Huffy is fine.

Okay, so I just looked up Chuck Norris facts, and I'm just gonna replace his name. :lol: So these aren't mine...

If you have 5 dollars and Mac Taylor has 5 dollars, Mac Taylor has more money than you.

There is no 'ctrl' button on Horatio Caine's computer. Horatio Caine is always in control.

Mac Taylor can sneeze with his eyes open.

Horatio Caine is suing MySpace for taking the name of what he calls everything around you. lol

Horatio Caine can kill two stones with one bird.

If you spell Mac Taylor in Scrabble, you win. Forever.

 

We live in an expanding universe, all of it trying to get away from Horatio Caine.

Horatio Caine skis uphill.

The leading causes of death in the US are: 1.Heart Disease 2.Horatio Caine 3.Cancer

Mac Taylor doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

When a tsunami happens, it's only because Mac Taylor has been swimming laps in the ocean.

Mac Taylor is the only one to ever beat a brick wall in a game of tennis.

Mac Taylor does not wake at the crack of dawn. The dawn cracks when Mac Taylor wakes.

Mac Taylor's tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

Mac Taylor doesn't cheat death. He wins fair and square.

Gil Grissom can speak Braille.

Once a cobra bit Mac Taylor. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.

Horatio Caine does not go hunting because the word hunting implies possible failure. Horatio Caine goes KILLING!

Superman owns a pair of Mac Taylor pajamas!!!! (Super Mac!!!!!!!)

Okay I had searched those and changed them. I hope you liked those!

 

:guffaw:this is hilarious:lol:

If you spell Mac Taylor in Scrabble, you win. Forever.

When Horatio Caine sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Horatio has not had to pay taxes ever.

When God said "Let there be light" Gil Grissom said "Say Please."