This just gets better... really, im about to get a heart attack, i really need an update soon, you're just doing great!
WOW! Great update You changed it some and I really like it. I really like the dialog between Cath and Sara.
*** Sorry that this update took so long! I will say that it is long, and I have officially added someone new to the story line! I hope you like... and after this chapter...you will see yet another triangle of ships!*** Chapter 11 The air entering her lungs felt thick as she continued to wheeze for more air. “I… can’t… breathe,” Catherine barely managed as her face flushed drastically. Before she knew it, she felt Sara hands as she gently helped her to sit. “Catherine… CATHERINE… Look at me,” Sara started as she loudly clapped her hands together. Catherine’s eyes fluttered up and stared at a pair of dark brown eyes that were staring back at her with concern. Still breathing highly irregular with tiny beads of perspiration popping out on the clammy skin of her face, Catherine found it nearly impossible to stay focused on Sara as her eyes rolled shut. “CATHERINE… FOCUS ON ME.” Giving Catherine a big smile as her eyes flicked back in Sara’s direction, Sara gently grabbed her friend’s hands. “Good… pay attention to me. Now I want you to look over my shoulder, and look at my Denali.” Chest heaving as her eyes darted rapidly to the vehicle, Catherine felt like she was going to have a heart attack. She was unsure how she could even focus on Sara, but knowing she was here oddly enough made her feel better. “Good… now focus on the driver’s door of the car. Can you see the handle?” Her attention quickly adjusted to the handle as she desperately thought about looking away. She wanted to separate herself from reality as it felt too overwhelming. “Keep focusing Catherine, don’t stop,” Sara quickly voiced as she noticed Catherine’s eyes briefly flicker downward.” Her breathing started to slow to a normal pace, but was still very choppy. “What color is the handle?” “Black,” she answered shakily as she looked back at Sara. Gently rubbing Catherine’s hands to help calm her, Sara smiled as she witnessed her take a small yet relaxing breath. “My heart felt like it was going to explode from my chest, Catherine muttered. “That is what panic attacks feel like.” “How did you know how to make it stop?” “I used to get them. It’s about redirecting your mind, and focusing in on little details. Your brain is on overload, and your body reacts to it. So I would focus on what was real, and right in front of me.” “Thanks… I’m sorry for losing it back there. I don’t know what’s wrong me.” “Are you kidding me? Catherine… you are over pressured, overwhelmed, stressed, and God knows what else. I’d be surprised if you didn’t cave,” Sara whispered as she helped Catherine up. “Look this McKean thing is obviously playing its toll of you. I’m not going to press you for answers, but you need to talk to someone about this.” “There is nothing to say. I don’t remember much from that night,” Catherine started as she climbed into the passenger seat. “I just… want this to be over.” “I get that you don’t remember much, but Catherine this could be serious. Obviously your mind doesn’t want you to remember.” “He gave me a drug Sara. This isn’t about me subconsciously choosing to forget. I have no recollection because I was passed out on narcotics.” Sara’s mouth opened in shock as she placed the key in the ignition, and sputtered the Denali to life. “This… just sounds worse the more I hear. He could have had his way with you, and you’d be none the wiser. And… this man… is our commissioner?” ~<3~<3~<3~<3~<3 This was by far not her favorite office to sit in, but it was slowly becoming less intimidating except for today for Catherine. “You seem a bit… unnerved.” “I’m… I don’t know what I am,” Catherine gushed as she let out a deep breath. “You want to talk about it?” “I don’t think I should involve you.” “Why is that?” “I have my reasons,” Catherine started as she suddenly stood up and paced the floor of Dr. Brymore’s office. “This is a huge mess,” her voice creaked before she let out a nervous laugh. “I’m in way over my head… and I’m drowning. I’m tired of struggling to keep my head only inches above the water. It’s tiring.” Rising from her chair, Dr. Brymore rounded her desk and grabbed Catherine’s hands gently as she walked her over to the love seat. “I think perhaps in this case… talking will be beneficial for you.” “NO, it won’t.” “Give it a shot Catherine.” “YOU… you don’t understand.” “What I don’t understand is what you aren’t telling me. What I do know is that you have been coming here for a little under a month, and you have dodged whatever it is you really need to talk about.” “I talk about what I want to…” “You mean what you feel comfortable with? Therapy isn’t about comfort. It’s about opening up your most inner being.” “I’m here and talking; what the hell do you want from me,” Catherine growled as she stood up. “It’s not a matter of what I want; it’s about what you want. And until you choose to open up about what is really eating at you… my hands are tied.” “STOP… pushing at me, “Catherine yelled as her eyes brimmed with tears. “You have no idea how ugly things are going to get when I do explode, and I’m afraid of losing everything that I worked so hard to achieve.” Quickly yanking her purse over her shoulder, Catherine stormed out of the room. Running to her car with lungs that felt like they were about to explode; she nearly toppled over as she forcefully opened her car door only for it to be slammed shut abruptly. Reeling in shock, Catherine turned around and came face to face with Officer Pettler. Nervously peering around to see who else was in the parking lot, she spotted two regular police officers who refused to meet her eyes. Heart pounding as the fear lodged in her throat, Catherine was shocked that she found her voice. “What do you want?” “Is that how you start it?” Pettler asked as he pinned her body between him and her Denali. “Or do I need to give you a little pill first. You know something to help ease the pain, or perhaps something that will drift you into unconsciousness?” “Bastard,” Catherine whispered as she angrily tried to push him away from her. Breathing sharply into her ear before chuckling lightly, Pettler nuzzled his chin in her hair. “I bet he took his sweet time with you,” he whispered as he trailed his hand down her neck. Reeling her head backwards, Catherine angrily shoved him away from her. “Don’t… TOUCH me.” Pettler chuckled as his eyes traveled the length of her body. “You think you have the POWER… to tell me what to do? I suggest you better keep your mouth shut about this and McKean; otherwise perhaps we will have a repeat performance.” Mouth opening in alarm as a soft sob raked through her body, Catherine watched as Pettler cockily walked away from her. Falling down the length of her car, her hands gently covered her face as she lost her mental and emotional balance. Her chest tightened as her sobs drew more dramatic as she drew her legs inward towards her chest. “Ms. Willows?” Her name barely registered to her as she reluctantly looked up and noticed one of the regular officers from before standing in front of her. “You okay?” “GET away from me,” she shouted as she quickly stood wiping her face with the back of her hand. “Let me at least walk you inside.” Eyes widening in alarm, she took a hesitant step backwards. “Are you kidding me? I’m not going anywhere with you.” “Catherine?” Relief soon washed through her as she recognized his voice. Nick’s voice. Closing her eyes to maintain her dignity, she quickly reopened them. “Nick,” was all she could manage. “I was just trying to help her back inside, she looked like she needed the help,” the Officer whispered to Nick, but his words failed to go unnoticed by Catherine. “Like HELL, don’t feed me that bull shit,” she growled as she gave him an appalling look. “You like to watch on, huh… gives you a thrill?” The officer looked confusingly at Nick as he cleared his throat. “I can handle this… thanks for trying to help her,” Nick stated quickly as he noticed the officer taking a step towards them. “You sure?” “Yes I got it from here.” “Alright, let me know if you need anything.” Catherine watched as the officer headed to his squad car before she gave Nick a quick look. “Perfect timing… as always,” she tried to joke as a small smile barely formed on her face. His stare was intense as his hand gently rested on her shoulder. “You want to talk about it?” “No, I’m… okay. I will be okay,” Catherine whispered as she pursed her mouth together. “I will see you in a bit,” and with that she bent over and grabbed her keys that had fallen on the ground. Driving off, she could see Nick in her rear view mirror. His posture spoke volumes as he stood there baffled, or maybe it was something much more than that. It seemed to take him a moment before he headed back inside. Shaking her head at the irony of her life, she let out a heavy breath. The last thing she needed was to jump into a relationship with Nick regardless of how much she cared for him. Then there was Grissom, and her heart felt empty that she had lost so much more than a relationship with him. She had lost his friendship in the process. The truth was she didn’t deserve either one of them; they both deserved something much better than she could ever be. ~<3~<3~<3~<3~<3 He was not in his office, or anywhere she expected him to be. Shaking her head annoyingly, she spotted Warrick at the end of the hall way. “Warrick…. Hey, have you seen Grissom?” Sara questioned as she lightly jogged up to him. “He’s in the break room cleaning his coffee cup. Why what’s up?” “Later, I really need to talk to him now.” Hustling to the break room and pushing the door open, she was grateful to see that they were alone. Truth told she had a few days off, and wanted to speak with Grissom before the end of this shift. “Grissom, we… uh I need to talk to you.” “What is it?” Grissom questioned as he finished drying off his mug. “It’s Catherine.” “Sara, I’m not about to have this conversation with you.” Eyebrows drawing together in frustration, she stopped him from leaving as she purposely put herself in front of his path. “Hey, I don’t care what is going on with you and her on a personal level. But, what I do care about… is something entirely different.” “This McKean business will pass over.” She looked at Grissom as if he was dense. “It’s bigger than that… and you know it.” “I’m not on the case Sara. It’s out of my hands,” he whispered as he looked at his watch. "If you will excuse me I’m meeting with someone shortly.” Mouth agape as she watched Grissom leave, there were so many emotions bubbling to the surface. Since when did he of all people not care about his own staff? “So that’s it?” Sara questioned angrily as she caught up to him. “What do you want me to do?” He asked as he walked into his office gathering his things together. “What do I want?” Sara scoffed as she glared at him. “She’s struggling Grissom. Fighting to keep her dignity. And the so-called police department that is supposed to have our backs; they definitely don’t have hers. They look at her like a sexual pawn. She’s being harassed, and you don’t even GIVE A DAMN.” “Mr. Grissom is this in fact a bad time,” Lady Heather asked before she cleared her throat. Both Sara and Grissom turned to the interruption with confusion. Grissom was dumbfounded at the new knowledge that Sara had just informed him. Catherine had never uttered a word about harassment. Sara on the other hand was shocked to see Heather all dolled up in black obviously waiting for Grissom. Taking a quick look at Heather again before resting her sights on Grissom, a horrid giggle escaped her mouth. “I guess... we are done here,” Sara growled as she left his office in a rush. “Your timing is fine,” Grissom finally responded as he watched Sara leave his office before turning around to grab his jacket. “Gil… We need to talk,” Catherine blurted out as she walked into his office. Deciding against running away from her problems, she had in fact turned back around and headed back to the lab. Scared to death of actually coming clean regarding everything, she immediately nearly ran to Grissom’s office. She needed him on her side during all of this, and she was ready to do anything to fix what was messed up between them. She just needed to get him to listen to her. So caught up in her own thoughts, she failed to notice Heather standing in his office until she fully entered. “Heather?” She questioned with confusion. The confusion soon fell along with the look on her face as she took in everything around her. Heather was in fact a beautiful woman, but a woman that looked confidently ready to spend an intimate morning with a man she deemed fitting. Then there was Grissom that was ready to walk out the door with his jacket and car keys in tote. He never left this early. At the moment, however he was displaying this deer in the headlights look which only made her feel worse. The silence felt unbearable as Catherine clenched her eyes shut to gather her wits about her. At the moment, she felt broken, lost, alone, and terrified at the emptiness that was clinging to her very sole. “Wow, I didn’t realize,” Catherine stopped as she licked her upper lip as tears formed in her eyes. “Excuse me… I’m sorry,” she barely whispered. She caught Heather looking at her, and quickly plastered a fake smile on her face. And with that she dodged, and left his office quicker than Sara had moments ago. “Catherine,” Grissom hollered as he gave Heather a pleading look to wait. He caught up with her not to far from his office, and quickly spun her around. “This isn’t fair,” he lightly whispered. Mouth falling open at his mere suggestion of what wasn’t fair, only seemed to hit a nerve deep within. Shoving him away, she snarled at him. “You don’t even know the half of it.” “Catherine… wait.” “Why… you didn’t?” He watched her leave, and turned to head back to his office when he saw Heather standing there with a look on her face that Catherine had just displayed to him moments ago except Heather’s was heated with anger. “This time I’m saying stop.”
holy crap, I can see your point about not wanting to edit all of that out thats for sure; but the fic is very awesome.
WOW! Im so hating Griss right now! Anyway... Nicely done, you're writting so dam fantastic, poor Cath thou, but she's strong, she'll survive! An update soon, pretty please!
**** SOrry it took so long... I will be posting again really soon! SO.... is Catherine really paranoid? Is she really over Grissom? I think her life is just a muddled mess in this story.**** Chapter 12 Walking into her house, she started to call out for Lindsey but realized she was staying the night at a friend’s house tonight. Sinking into the sofa, she sat tiredly in the dark without any noise from the television to comfort her. Her thoughts went immediately to Grissom and Heather. What the hell? He obviously had no problems moving on fast. Truth was no matter how much she tried to deny it; seeing them together hit her emotionally hard. She wanted him to be happy, but not when her life was in such turmoil. He was supposed to be supporting her through all of this, and she felt overtly neglected. The vibration from her cell phone distracted her thoughts as she flipped it open. “Willows, here.” At first she heard nothing but dead air, until steady breathing sounded in her ear. “Hello?” She asked in frustration as she pulled the phone from her ear, and noticed the call was from a private caller. The same noise penetrated her ear before the call suddenly ended. Looking at her phone, she quickly shrugged it off as she headed to her bathroom to relax before settling down for the night. She turned the water on and lit a few candles around the tub before kicking her shoes off. Wiggling out of her jeans, she started to unbutton her shirt when she thought she heard a noise outside of the bathroom window. She lightly wandered over to the window and parted the blind with her hand scanning the area near by. Obviously today had managed to grate on her nerves more than she thought possible, because now she was hearing things. Turning around in puzzlement, Catherine leaned over testing the water with her hand. Once again shrugging things off, she finished undressing before she climbed over the tub and sank her overly tired body into its quake. Moaning to herself, she closed her eyes as the heat of the water rose to her cheeks. This was exactly what she needed; a moment of pure relaxation to ease her mind from being on overload. She opened her eyes to reach for her wash cloth when she noticed a shadow that had shifted underneath the closed bathroom door. “Lindsey?” She worriedly questioned as she sat up straighter. Not a noise, but the shadow moved to the center of the door. Heart pounding in her chest, she slowly rose from the tub reaching for her robe that wasn’t there. The panic was tearing its way through her as her mouth opened in terror. “LINDSEY?” This time she screamed it as she padded her way over to the cabinet and pulled out a towel. She had nothing on her because her gun and her cell phone were in the living room. Her hand was frozen on her chest as she turned her attention briefly to the window. She couldn’t help but think maybe it was the safer option. She could possibly get to the neighbors house, and call the police. If she wasn’t scared to her wits end; she would have easily laughed at her last thought. More to the point, she would call Brass. She walked quickly over to the window, and yanked the string on the blinds to bring them up. She was about to unlock the window when a man in a ski mask appeared out of nowhere and began pounding on the window before her. Falling backwards, she braced her fall with her arms as she looked up at the window in evident fear. Swiftly turning her attention back to the door as she stood, she noticed that the shadow was gone. Yanking the door open, she grabbed her spare gun in her nightstand before she made her way out of her room with her arms pointing forward with her gun ready to shoot. Still clothed in a towel, she heard a faint noise of a roaring motor as she edged her way towards her living room. Perspiration popping up on her forehead, she looked frantically around the room and noticed that her front door was slightly ajar. Her breathing hitched in her throat as a quiet sob ripped through her chest. Running to the door, she pushed with her might to close it as she felt the resistance. “Catherine?” He questioned with concern that was laced with hesitation as he pushed the door fully open. “GRISSOM,” She screamed in a shrill voice as her chest heaved with adrenalin mixed with fear. Her head tilted with confusion at the reason why he was standing before her. Squeezing her eyes to bare slits she pointedly asked, “How long have you been here?” “I just got here? Why?” “Because someone was here.” Pushing the door closed behind her, she set her spare gun on the coffee table as she adjusted her towel. “What?” “I’m fine, I think you scared him off,” Catherine started as she suddenly stared at Grissom with frustration. “Why are you here?” “Are you okay?” “I’m fine.” “Did you call it in?” Grissom questioned as he started to search Catherine’s house. “No, I’m probably just being paranoid. What are you doing?” After searching the living room, Grissom looked through Lindsey’s room before heading to Catherine’s room. “Stop,” Catherine growled as she followed Grissom into her room. “I’m fine. There is no one in here. I told you it was probably more my imagination than anything.” It was like Grissom wasn’t listening to her as he pushed her closet door open, and rummaged quickly through her clothes before heading to her bathroom. Her clothes that she was wearing were piled on the floor, and she watched as his eyes lingered on her black lacy undergarments. “Remind you of someone else,” she sneered as she wrapped her arms under her breast. “I’ll ask you again. Why are you here?” “I have to know I’m doing the right thing.” “What?” “It’s odd how it happened. I just ran into her at the grocery store a few months or so ago.” Mouth opening in complete shock, Catherine stared at him as she swallowed hard. “Don’t,” she started as tears filled her eyes. “Please tell me you aren’t talking about Heather.” “Nothing happened at first.” Eyes growing wide, she walked angrily past him as the air seemed to leave her lungs. He was quick as he grabbed her arm from behind and swirled her to face him. “I was so angry with everything that was going on with you.” Head tilting in obvious hurt, she pursed her lips together as she looked at him. “You proposed to me less than a month ago?” “I know.” “So it MEANT nothing?” “No, it meant something.” “Did you sleep with her?” “Catherine it’s complicated.” “Did YOU SLEEP with her,” she growled as she stared up at him with fury. “Yes.” “GET OUT.” “I was unsure of what I wanted.” “You cheated on me? My life is spiraling out of control and you are off screwing someone else. It’s not even about that,” Catherine sobbed as she pushed him roughly on the chest. “I NEEDED you, and you walked away from me.” Pulling her forward in his arms, his lips plunged on to hers as he walked her backwards. Kissing him back, confusion filled her heart as her legs bumped into her bed. His kiss deepened eagerly as he explored her mouth. It wasn’t long until she felt her towel fall to the floor as his hand impatiently pulled it free. His mouth traveled down her neck as she squeezed her eyes shut, and forcefully pushed him away. “I… I think you should go,” she whispered as she quickly grabbed her towel and covered herself again. Breathing heavy, his eyes seemed wide with astonishment. “I’m sorry I got carried away.” “I don’t need this from you. My life has enough confusion in it already, and you… what? What the hell is this? Why are you playing me? Or her? I think you should go.” “I needed to know we were over?” Eyes widening as her mouth opened in impair, she quickly closed it as she looked away. “Damn you Grissom. And, you needed to get in my pants to figure that out?” “Cath,” Grissom started as he rubbed the stubble on his chin. “You know I love you. I’m at a loss here and bitterly confused because I care for you both.” “I can’t be apart of this,” Catherine whispered as her chin quivered. “What are you saying?” “We were an us, something we both needed at one time. I have never been with someone that I have trusted so completely, and loved with more emotion than I thought was possible. But, I have to let you go. I can’t be the reason that holds you back from being with someone you know you want to be with. I know you loved me, and that we shared something that was beautiful, but it’s nothing epic. I was there when you lost her once, but I will be damned if I’m the cause of it now. I won’t be apart of that… of your self destruction because you are scared out of your mind with the way she makes you feel.” “Cath…I,” Grissom stopped as Catherine placed her finger over his lips. Tears falling from her brightened eyes, she rose on the balls of her feet and kissed him gently on his mouth. His arms wrapped around her to help steady her as he kissed her back greedily. She pulled back wiping her eyes with the back of her hand. “Don’t make this anymore complicated.” “You are amazing,” Grissom whispered as he rubbed his hand through the length of her hair before resting it on the back of her neck. “You are too,” Catherine sobbed as she covered her face with her hands. “I’m sorry; I don’t mean to do this. I think it would be best if you leave.” “Cath,” Grissom pleaded as he ran his hand down her back. “I need to be alone. Please give me that.” “Okay,” Grissom responded before he kissed her on the cheek. She felt his eyes as they penetrated through her when he turned to leave. Squeezing her eyes shut, she somehow managed to control the tremor of her shoulders until she heard her front door shut. Falling to the floor in her room, the feeling of being alone felt unbearable as the emptiness settled into the pit of her stomach. Her shoulders shook with intensity as her sobs raked through her robbing her of solace.