Road Trip! The Final Frontier.

Thanks for the reviews everyone!

Sorry I didn't have an update up yesterday. The night before last, my loft bed started moving across the room by itself so I decided to stay out until now. Yeah, I'm not much of a Sam or Dean.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

6pm, Hummerhome

Carly: *typing on laptop*

Delko: *puts hotdog down* You're addicted to that thing.

Carly: No I'm not. I'm checking my messages.

Katie: That's what you said a half hour ago.

Carly: Hey my kids e-mail me, okay?

Colton: *looks over* Are your kids trying to sell you penile enhancement?

Carly: *slaps Colton*

Colton: Ow.

Carly: It's called spam.

Delko: You mean like the meat?

Carly: Yeah. You know how spam is crap, well the spam here is crap. Like, useless crap that bothers everyone.

Katie: *points* So what's that?

Carly: Oh that's a baiter. See, they e-mail people trying to get people angry. Well, that could also be called a troll too. See, I'll show you a message board I belong to.

Katie: You belong to a message board?

Missy: Oh man she has friends outside this circle!

Carly: *typing*

Delko: What's the site about?

Colton: Probably penile enhancement. *drinks beer*

Carly: It's about Neighbors.

Horatio: Your neighbors are on that site?

Katie: I didn't know she had neighbors.

Carly: No, it's a show. See right now they're having a debate about Delta Goodrem and whether or not her career was helped by the show or if she could have gotten a contract without it if she just put her ass into it and really pushed.

Delko: ...Isn't that childbirth?

Lora: Who the hell is Delta Goodrem?

Carly: *sigh* Australian singer. But she's pretty popular in the US for her 'pop' sound, I guess.

Katie: And...people go to this site to rant about stuff like this?

Carly: Yeah.

Katie: Why?

Carly: It's a community. You know, pulling people together, having fun, intellectuals getting on...

Colton: Getting on, what is that, some kind of slang?

Missy: Wow, she's like, more Australian when she's talking about Aussie things.

Carly: *rolls eyes*

Katie: So what do you do on the site?

Carly: I'm a moderator.

Katie: ...Which means what.

Carly: I maintain the atmosphere of the site.

Delko: From these spam people?

Carly: *smiles* See? There you go.

Lora: *laughs* This is so stupid. You belong to a site where you have fake authority over fake people for fake arguments.

Carly: These people are very real. See, SpencerManaic05 got into a fight with sopa_star_in_training because Huntsman started spreading rumours with her about SpencerMania05 and then that_chick11 decided that deltaholic was a bitch for standing around and not helping SpencerManiac05. So then spencermonkey started to take sides and Huntsman started flaming.

Delko: Flaming?

Carly: Oh, attacking the other members of the board.

Delko: And then what happened?

Carly: See for yourself. *turns laptop*

Speed: Hey, I like that person's avatar. It's a cow.

Carly: Yeah, Huntsman. Most of the time she's totally cool.

Delko: Wow, you seem a lot more threatening in words.

Katie: So there's this whole other life going on in that little web page.

Carly: Oh definitely. You'd be surprised what kind of communities can start because of one little web page. It's fascinating.

Horatio: And this is what you've been doing in your spare time.

Carly: Yeah but I manage to post a lot of pictures of us on our trips. They absolutely love it, we're like famous.

Katie: Wow. What do they think of me?

Carly: They think you're some kind of god.

Katie: *smiles* Excellent.

Carly: But they think you need to stop pinning over Speed. *places hand on Katie's shoulder* They say there are much better things for you around the corner.

Katie: *smiles* Hey, I like them.

Delko: What do they say about me?

Carly: Uh, let's see here...*scrolls down* They think you need to stop buying teddies.

Delko: *smile fades*

Calleigh: *lifts hand* ME NEXT!

Carly: They think you don't get nearly enough time in the spotlight and they're wondering what happened between you and Colton.

Calleigh: We drifted apart.

Colton: Uh no we didn't. You stopped returning my calls.

Carly: Horatio, you want to know what they say about you?

Horatio: Oh no, no. I don't like going through these types of things. It'll influence me too much and I'll start second guessing.

Anni: What do they say about Speed?

Carly: Um...he actually has his own forum.

Speed: *grabs laptop* Really.

Carly: Yeah.

Katie: *frowns, grabs laptop* That's not fair.

Speed: *grabs laptop* Maybe they think you're a bitch.

Katie: *grabs laptop* No way. If anyone's a bitch, it's you.

Speed: *grabs laptop* Shut up, I have my own fanclub.

Katie: What?

Speed: Right there.

Katie: That's not fair. CARLY! WHERE'S MY FAN CLUB!

Heather: Wait, is this the Neighbors board or the Road Trip board?

Speed: Who cares, I'm popular.

Katie: You wouldn't be without me.

Speed: Yes because you snapped your fingers and the stubble magically grew.

Carly: *grabs laptop* Anyway, I'm finished.

Speed: Wait, wait, why are you putting it away?

Carly: Because I've finished.

Speed: But I didn't get to find out what happens next week when we get to France.

Lora: Imagine what a few pictures can do.

Carly: You don't get to know. I'm the only one that can post spoilers.

Delko: Can I join the site? I'm interested in finding out what happens next week too.

Horatio: *sigh* Jenna, Missy, dishes please.

Jenna: Hey why do I have to do dishes?

Missy: You're the noob. *grabs plate*

Jenna: Then why are you stuck on dish duty?

Missy: Because if I do dishes, I won't have to clean up breakfast tomorrow.

Jenna: Oh I like the sound of it.

Horatio: And please do it properly, ladies. I don't want to find another hot dog shoved down the sink drain.

Missy: But...then the garbage doesn't fill up so fast if we do that.

Horatio: *frowns*

Missy: Fine. *rolls eyes*

20 minutes later

Anni: *opens fridge*

Katie: *walks over* You have to tell him.

Anni: Tell who what.

Katie: Speed about your...thing.

Anni: *looks down*

Katie: *slaps Anni* Your brain thing.

Anni: Oh. Yeah, no. *grabs bottle* Snapple?

Katie: He has the right to know.

Anni: It's my body, he doesn't need to know a damn thing.

Katie: But he might give you a baby. *bounces brows*

Anni: I think he's been pretty clear on that.

Katie: Yeah because he doesn't know you're dying.

Anni: Shhh. I'm not dying. Well, at least not yet.

Katie: If he had brain cancer, would you want to know?

Anni: Frankly, no. I'd spend more time worrying about how I can or should to spend the rest of his life with him instead of actually spending the rest of his life with him.

Katie: Yeah right.

Anni: Katie, it's not really your problem, okay?

Katie: But if you don't tell him, then you two can't f--work it out.

Anni: *frowns* You were going to say fight.

Katie: No I wasn't.

Anni: *narrows eyes*

Katie: Okay maybe, but sometimes it takes a good fight to let all the emotions out.

Anni: I don't want to fight with him. We're happy.

Katie: Really. And that's why he's so eager to...sleep on the couch in the living room.

Anni: *gasp* How did you know?

Katie: He talks to Eric and I beat it out of Eric.

Anni: Okay yeah he sleeps on the couch, but it's because I always had headaches.

Katie: *snorts*

Anni: *places hands on hips* They were real headaches and I'd always get up in the middle of the night. He found it easier to sleep in a different room.

Katie: Oh.

Anni: Like I said, we're happy. Why ruin it?

Katie: Because one day when you wake up and you haven't got a clue who he is or why drool keeps dripping out of your mouth, he might be a little concerned as to what happened. Or maybe you'll die in your sleep and because he never pays attention, he won't even notice until the place starts to go rank.

Anni: *crosses arms* He's not that inattentive. He'd notice on day 2, tops.

Katie: If you don't tell him, I will.

Anni: *grabs Katie* If you tell him, I will end you. You will be the next person to go through a plate glass window and it'll be very, very messy.

Katie: Okay but despite how horrible this disease is, the team is boring. We need drama.

Anni: I'm not going to blab about my condition for the facilitation of drama. It's un-necessary.

Katie: But you used to be so cool.

Anni: I'd like to stay that way, thanks.

Delko: *walks over* What are you two ladies talking about?

Katie: Nothing.

Anni: Nothing.

Delko: Okay, well the butter's melting. You might want to close the fridge. And hand me a beer.

Katie: *throws beer*

Delko: Aw man, now it'll be all soupy. *walks away*

Miami--House, 8am

Josh: *opens paper*

Cait: *walks downstairs*

Josh: *flips page*

Cait: *opens cupboard*

Ethan: *runs downstairs, jumps on couch, turns on tv*

Cait: So did mom e-mail?

Josh: Yeah, this morning. It's about dinner time where she is.

Cait: What did she say in her e-mail?

Josh: That she misses you guys and she'll be home in a few weeks.

Cait: *smiles* So I can go back to living with her?

Josh: *flips page* Yeah.

Cait: Awesome. She better be back next month. *sits at table* I have to bring a parent to career day.

Josh: *lifts head* Career day.

Cait: Yeah. *eats cereal*

Josh: You didn't tell me about this.

Cait: I didn't think you'd be interested.

Josh: Of course I'd be interested.

Cait: *shrugs* Yeah, well, I already asked mom.

Josh: Ouch.

Cait: It's nothing personal it's just...*looks down at table* Okay well, it's just...my school is like...in the middle of Homestead. They're not the kind of people who appreciate...cops or...people like you.

Josh: I don't understand.

Cait: Gay.

Josh: *nods slowly* Maybe I should put some coverup over the giant neon sign hanging above my head.

Cait: *rolls eyes* Dad.

Josh: Look, it's fine. If you've already invited your mother, I'm sure she'd like to go.

Cait: *nods*

Josh: *flips page*

Cait: ...Are you mad?

Josh: No, why?

Cait: Because I never know when you're mad. You're like, perpetually calm.

Josh: *laughs*

Cait: *eats cereal*

Doorbell rings

Cait: I'LL GET IT!

Josh: *grabs Cait* You will sit and finish your breakfast.

Cait: Aw damn.

Josh: *walks to door, opens it* ...Lori?

Cait: *looks over*

Josh: You look...horrible.

Lori: *pulls out gun* Nice of you to say.

Josh: *steps back* Whoa, whoa, put down the gun.

Lori: *lifts gun* Get in the house.

Josh: *backing up* Cait, go upstairs.

Cait: *stands*

Lori: No, sit. Please, finish breakfast. *slams door closed*

Cait: *sits*

Josh: Okay, obviously you're angry. Natalia told me why, she also said you haven't shown up to work since then.

Lori: I've been doing some...self realization. And you know what I found out? I've been a pawn in everyone's games. Who knows, maybe I was concieved to play that part. To go through life on someone else's tangent. *laughs* And the real kick in the ass? It's all for the 'greater good'.

Josh: *lifts brow* Uh, oh-kay...

Lori: You know another meaning for the 'greater good'? People who might end up in a situation. MIGHT.

Josh: You need to calm dow-

Lori: No. No, see, I'm finished being placated by all the men in my life. You're all like animals--if you can't eat it, then you might as well fuck it.

Josh: Lori, let Cait and Ethan go upstairs.

Cait: *walks to stairs*

Lori: *points gun at floor*

BAM

Cait: *screams*

Ethan: *starts to cry*

Josh: *steps in front of Cait* What do you want? You want to kill us?

Lori: *smirks* Such a one-way train of thought. It all seems so simple to you, doesn't it?

Josh: ..I-I don't understand what you're saying.

Cait: ...Is she off her meds or somethin'?

Josh: Shhh.

Lori: *smiles* I like Cait. She has a real sense of herself. That's why I've come to take her away.

Josh: I beg your pardon?

Lori: I'm not going to let you crush another soul.

Josh: No one's crushing her soul.

Lori: Not yet. *looks at Cait* When they need something, they won't stop at anything, even if it means sacrificing your innocence for the sake of people they've never met or even people that don't exist. There are all of these 'could haves' and 'might be's' and all the while, you'll find yourself the only victim.

Josh: Lori, did you take something?

Lori: Wouldn't you?

Josh: What did you take.

Lori: Liquid powder. Does that help?

Josh: Alright. Cait and Ethan are going to go upstairs. They'll be safe up there.

Lori: *looks at Cait*

Cait: *staring at Lori*

Lori: No. I already told you they're staying here.

Josh: Okay. What if they sat on the couch. If someone walks by the house and sees this, it won't bode very well for you.

Lori: When are you going to get it? *walks closer* This is my carnival.

Josh: *nods* Alright.

Lori: Good. *smiles* Cait, Ethan, how would you like to see a fun trick?

Cait: ...

Ethan: ...

Lori: Excellent. *grabs Josh, shoves him against wall*

Josh: AH!

Lori: *cracks arm*

Josh: UGH!

Lori: *throws Josh into counter*

Josh: *falls over*

Cait: DAD!

Ethan: *screams*

Lori: *grabs Josh*

Josh: *holds head*

Lori: *places gun in pants, grabs knife from counter* See, the beauty of this is...*shoves knife into Josh's leg*

Josh: *screams*

Lori: This is nothing compared to what I went through.

Josh: *holding leg* UGH!

Lori: *pulls knife out*

Josh: AH!

Lori: *shoves knife into leg*

Josh: *screaming*

Cait: DADDY!

Lori: Huh, I was hoping for a blade that was a little rustier. I guess these 'always sharp never dull' knives will have to do. *pulls out knife*

Josh: AH!

Lori: Well damn, the tip broke off. Kind of cheap, aren't they.

Cait: *stands, runs over*

Lori: *pulls out gun, points it at Cait* Don't worry, Daddy will be just fine. If I wanted to kill him, he wouldn't be making so much noise. So be a dear and sit with your brother.

Cait: *sits on stairs*

Lori: *puts gun on counter* Now, I assume you have some sort of drain cleaner around here, correct? *walks over to cupboard* Hmm...Ah, yes, bleach. *grabs jug, walks over to Josh* We wouldn't want you to get infected. *pours bleach*

Josh: *screaming*

Lori: See, right now what the sodium hypochlorite is doing is degrading the epidermis to quite a painful state. *grabs ammonia from under sink, pours it everywhere*

Josh: AH!!

Lori: And now, we've mixed the two together and created chloramine which in a few seconds will turn into nitrogen-trichloride. You may begin to feel a burning sensation in your eyes and throat. Not to worry, it's temporary as long as I don't mix any more or set you on fire, that kind of thing.

Josh: *coughing*

Cait: STOP IT!

Lori: *grabs Josh by the hair* You hear her? She's disturbed enough seeing this, but at least she doesn't have to go through it, right?

Josh: Y-You don't have to do this.

Lori: A lot of things don't have to happen but they still do. *lets go*

Josh: *head falls* Ugh.

Lori: So what's next, you ask? *laughs* Well, let me show you. *grabs butcher knife from drawer* You're going to lose something today. Would you like to use your life line for a hint, or shall we go straight for the million dollar prize?

Josh: *crawls to counter*

Lori: *places hands on hips*

Josh: *grabs for gun*

Lori: *pushes gun to edge of counter* It's almost like I was wasn't watching you try and get it. Must suck to have your only escape so close yet so very far away. *kicks Josh in the face*

Josh: *falls over*

Cait: LET HIM GO!

Lori: Oh he can go anytime he wants. I'm not keeping him here against his will at all. Right Josh?

Josh: *holds head* Stop this, Lori. I understand you're angry, b-

Lori: Angry doesn't even begin to describe it.

Josh: So hurting someone else is your answer to it all. You're better than that.

Lori: I don't care. Not anymore. I tried for years to do the right thing, to be better than them....I still see their faces at night. I can still smell them, hear them. They raised me, taught me to hate. I'm exactly like them.

Josh: *shakes head* You're not. If anything, you've done everything you can to prove you're nothing like them.

Lori: *rubs forehead* No. No, they...trained me. I was sent there to be trained. Or...*closes eyes* was it....here..

Josh: *sits up* You're confused. You need to go to a hospital.

Lori: I've been...thinking and thinking and thinking and...trying not to think.

Josh: I don't know what happened but obviously there's something wrong.

Lori: No, I'm fine. It's you people who are confused. Confusing everyone else.

Josh: Cait, get me the phone.

Cait: ...Are you sure?

Josh: Yeah.

Cait: *stands, walks to phone*

Josh: *grabs phone from Cait*

Half hour later

Cop: *writing things down*

Paramedic: *covers Josh*

Cop2: *cuffs Lori*

Cop: Let's get those kids out of here for now.

Cop2: I'll call another radio car. *looks at Lori* Do you understand your rights?

Lori: No. I do understand my left, though. I prefer it actually.

Josh: You're smarter than us all, you know.

Lori: *looks at Josh*

Josh: Afterall, you do have a law degree. Must be nice to know what can persuade a jury into believing an insanity plea.

Lori: *smirks*

TBC..................................

 

Thanks for the reviews everyone.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Side of the road, two days later

Horatio: Okay people, hoist!

Missy: I'M HOISTING! STOP TELLING ME TO HOIST!

Horatio: If you want this tire fixed, you all need to put some backbone into it.

Lora: But you only recruited a couple of us.

Horatio: Yes because you barely ever do anything.

Lora: *frowns* I resent that.

Horatio: The newest members need to learn how to change a tire in case I die.

Missy: Hey, I'm not new.

Jenna: I'm going to drop this if you guys don't help.

Lora: Okay so grab me that swastika.

Missy: That's one of those tire wrench things.

Lora: Whatever, just give it before this 10 tonne bus falls on us.

Calleigh: *laying on blanket* I never realized how therapeutic the side of the road was.

Colton: Um, there are people honking.

Calleigh: *rolls over* Why, is there an accident or something up ahead?

Katie: Maybe you should cover Calleigh up.

Colton: With what, my body?

Katie: ...I think that might get you more than a few honks.

Delko: *wipes forehead* It's sweltering out here. I'm going to go get a drink. Anyone want a beer?

Colton: I could go for a Shirley Temple right about now.

Delko: ...

Colton: Uh, I mean, *cough* beer's fine for me.

Delko: *walks into Hummerhome*

Lora: NO YOU'RE TILTING IT! GET YOUR FAT ASS BACK OUT HERE!

Jenna: I thought Horatio already put two people in there to keep the weight balanced.

Horatio: I did. Jess and Speed should be in there.

Hummerhome

Delko: *opens fridge*

Giggling is heard

Delko: *lifts brow* Jess?! *walks over to hallway* Jess!

Jess: *runs out of room, slams door* Yeah?

Delko: I thought I heard you.

Jess: ...Heard me doing what.

Delko: Giggling.

Jess: Oh. Yeah, I was watching a movie.

Delko: *looks at living room* ...The tv's not in your room.

Jess: I was watching it on my iPhone.

Delko: ...With your shirt unbuttoned?

Jess: *looks down*

Delko: *narrows eyes*

Speed: *walks out of room, stops*

Delko: *looks at Speed*

Speed: *leaves Hummerhome*

Jess: *scratches head*

Delko: Um...I'm guessing you guys weren't watching a movie.

Jess: You wouldn't understand.

Delko: *laughs* Oh no, no, I understand perfectly.

Jess: Eric, it's a hundred degrees in here. That's why my shirt was unbuttoned. And my room is the only one with air conditioning.

Delko: *shakes head* Sorry I don't believe that. It's no wonder you won't be with me, you're too busy with every other guy in here. *leaves*

Jess: Eric! *runs*

Outside

Delko: *walks over* HEY.

Speed: *turns around*

Delko: *swings fist*

Speed: *ducks, falls backwards*

Everyone: *looks over*

Speed: *stands* What the hell is wrong with you?

Delko: I should ask you the same question. You're fooling around with Jess!

Jenna: *drops screwdriver*

Lora: *starts to cackle*

Anni: What?

Katie: WHAT!

Jess: Eric, knock it off, he wasn't fooling around with me.

Delko: Yeah and I suppose those giggles were you two having an argument. In your bedroom.

Jess: He said something funny, would you stop it!

Delko: What did he say, 'let me take off your shirt and we can roll around'?

Speed: *covers eyes*

Lora: *snorts*

Horatio: Guys, I need two people inside to balance the weight.

Jess: Why are you being such an ass?

Delko: I'M being the ass? I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you but apparently you think he's a lot more fun.

Jess: At least he acts like an adult and treats me like a woman! *runs off*

Heather: Why does everyone want to sleep with Speed? I mean, if everyone else is doing it, can I take a test drive too?

Delko: *shoves Speed into side of Hummerhome* I'm going to kill you.

Speed: Eric, I didn't do anything.

Delko: *punches Speed in the face*

Speed: Ugh!

Lora: Who has popcorn?

Katie: *hands over popcorn*

Lora: YES.

Delko: You know, I've never done this to you. *knees Speed in the stomach*

Speed: AH!

Delko: *shoves Speed to ground*

Horatio: *sigh* Just one trip, just once, I'd like to not have to buffer stupid arguments. Eric, take a walk.

Delko: *walks away*

Horatio: Jenna, Lora, keep fixing the tire.

Lora: I can't. My fingers are all buttery.

Jenna: Man I wish I had recorded all of that. I'd be so popular on YouTube. I can see it now. 'The Bold And The Beautiful, Miami."

Katie: *starts to laugh*

Speed: *looks at Katie*

Katie: Man you are so busted.

Few meters away

Delko: Jess!

Jess: *walking* Get lost!

Delko: Just tell me why.

Jess: *stops walking* Why what! We didn't do anything and you just blew up in front of everyone and made me look like some sort of tramp.

Delko: How else was I supposed to see things? You barely talk to me lately, you shot me down and it obviously had to be for some reason.

Jess: Yes because you can't act like an adult. You act like some teenager who thinks he owns me. We tried this relationship stuff before and it didn't work. I don't believe you've gotten any more mature than before. You just play it up and it's not working with me.

Delko: So I'm not allowed to love you because I'm not as stoic and mature as everyone else?

Jess: Exactly! You just beat up someone who didn't do anything wrong! I am shocked that you would assume I'm sexing it up with someone else.

Delko: Well I guess it doesn't matter. You'll never think I'm good enough for you. *walks away*

Jess: *angry sigh*

TBC.........................

 

Thanks.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Side of the road

Horatio: Hurry up girls, let's get everything finished.

Missy: *stands* You know what? You're the boss, you do the work. *hands over hose* I'm not cleaning this thing anymore.

Horatio: It has to be cleaned.

Missy: So go for it.

Horatio: No need to get impatient. You were almost finished.

Missy: I'm either going to snap or I'll snap you in half.

Lora: I'd listen to her.

Horatio: Okay. *grabs hose* Lora-

Lora: Oh no no no you don't. I am not finishing. That's your job. You clean up the messes, we create the messes. Don't screw up the circle of life.

Calleigh: Maybe we should just turn the hose into a sprinkler and run through it. I could cool off about now.

Colton: How did we get a hose?

5 horses ride up with guys wearing masks

Guy1: *jumps off horse* STAND BACK! EVERYONE STAND BACK! *points gun*

Guy2: *points gun* GET IN THE BUS! GET IN THE BUS!

Guy1: *slaps Guy2* I told them to stand back, what are you doing telling them to get in the bus?

Guy2: I thought you wanted them in the bus.

Guy1: I do but not right now.

Horatio: *lifts hands* Um, excuse me but I'm in charge here. Can we help you?

Guy1: Yeah. You can all get in the bus.

Guy2: I already said that.

Guy1: You're not in charge! *lifts gun* GO! We're hijacking you.

Inside Hummerhome

Guy1: *slaps Guy2* Start driving.

Guy2: Oh. Can I have the keys?

Guy3: *tying people up*

Guy1: Boss guy, we need the keys.

Horatio: They're in my back pocket.

Guy1: *looks at Guy3* Get 'em.

Guy3: I'm not reaching in his pocket.

Guy1: Do it.

Guy3: No way.

Guy1: *pulls trigger*

BAM

Guy2: *turns around* What the hell man!

Guy1: Shut up. I'm in charge. You, Guy4, go get the keys.

Guy4: My name's Bob.

Guy1: Fine. Bob.

Bob: *grabs keys*

Guy1: My name's Damien.

Calleigh: Is that your real name? It's pretty.

Damien: Yeah.

Guy2: Hey, dude, don't give your real name.

Damien: Oh yeah! Okay, my name's Foxtrot.

Horatio: But you just told us it was Damien.

Damien: Shut up or I'll blow you away old man!

Lora: HEY! He's not old!

Damien: Now here's what's going to happen. We've been highly trained by the Albanian government to hijack people and steal their money.

Horatio: That doesn't sound like the Albanians.

Damien: Okay fine. I trained us to steal people's money. Call us train thieves.

Katie: But you haven't stolen anything and this isn't a train.

Damien: *frowns* You know what? I don't like you.

Katie: A lot of people don't like me.

Damien: Now, the plan is to crash this bus into the new dam they're constructing in the next city. It should produce a bigass explosion and kill us all! And the beauty of it is, thousands of hundreds of millions of people will be flooded out of their homes and forced to brave whatever kind of debris comes their way.

Horatio: Why would you do that?

Damien: It was Jeff's plan.

Jeff: DUDE, stop giving away our names!

Damien: Oh, sorry. 'Guy2'.

Jeff: *rolls eyes* And this was your plan.

Speed: You guys sound American.

Damien: *shifty eyes* Uh, yeah, American.

Horatio: Have you fellas been drinking?

Damien: *sniffs breath* No, why?

Jeff: How do you put this damn thing in gear?

Damien: You're the vehicle expert.

Horatio: Oh, you have to jiggle the nob.

Jeff: Thanks.

Horatio: So why do you want to kill people?

Damien: My parents were killed here during one of the wars in Europe. Or wait, are we in Asia or Europe?

Jeff: We're in Albania, dude.

Damien: Anyway I'm getting back at them.

Calleigh: By killing us and everyone else?

Damien: That's how it usually works. At least that's what I read.

Katie: Wait, stop. We are not getting into politics are we? Because I kept falling asleep in History class when we took this.

Horatio: Boys, you came up in horses. I don't think the government is going to take you very seriously.

Damien: *frowns* Jeff, step on it.

Jeff: I told you not to say my name.

Damien: Oh who cares they already know.

Lora: And they're cops.

Damien: WHAT?

Horatio: *lifts badge*

Damien: Oh crap. *rubs head* You said they were a family of backpackers!

Jeff: I guess I was wrong.

Damien: Man, why did I hire you?

Jeff: I'm your cousin and I'm the only one who had a liscence.

Damien: *turns around* Okay, you'd all better say your prayers because you're all goin' down.

Anni: Be my guest. We're all going to die someday anyway.

Damien: You guys are supposed to be scared!

Horatio: I'd like to be scared for you but *laughs* you rode up on horses.

Damien: *frowns, lifts gun* One more insult and you're going down.

Horatio: You boys watch too many video games.

Damien: *pulls trigger*

BAM

Horatio: OW! OW OH MY GOD I'VE BEEN SHOT!

Lora: OH MY GOD THE UNIVERSE IS GOING TO IMPLODE!

Missy: OH MY GOD HE HAS RED BLOOD!

Lora: What? What did you expect it to be, green?

Damien: I'm not fooling around. One more person to shoot of their mouth will get a bullet.

Horatio: Ow ow ow. *starts to cry*

Lora: It's okay, you'll be okay. *waves shades* HEAL! HEAAAAAL!

Horatio: Is it working?

Lora: You're bleeding even more.

Horatio: *faints*

Lora: H! *slaps Horatio* Wake up! *looks at Damien* Oh you so totally messed with the wrong Hummerhome load of people. When he gets a transfusion, he's so going to kick your ass.

Damien: *walks up to front, sits*

Lora: What are we supposed to do?

Delko: Try to escape and take control of the Hummerhome, I guess.

Speed: Great, well I'll just roll around in my ropes until I get to the front and knock out the driver with my shoe. They'll never see it coming.

Delko: You shut up.

Speed: *lifts brow*

Delko: We need something sharp. Anyone have a knife?

Calleigh: I've got a bobby pin in my hair.

Delko: Okay, Cal? These are ropes, not handcuffs.

Calleigh: *frowns* I'm not stupid.

Lora: There are more of us than them, why don't we just attack?

Delko: Because if we do that, the Hummerhome may lose control and we'll be dead.

Katie: Who appointed you king of the castle?

Delko: Look, this isn't a joke. Despite these guys' half-baked plans, they seem serious enough and already injured Horatio. Plus that Damien guy killed one of his own.

Ryan: What, you're saying you've never popped one off on someone before?

Everyone: *looks at Ryan*

Ryan: Well...I haven't.

Heather: These ropes are itchy. *wiggles around*

Lilly: Heather, you're hurting me!

Heather: So move.

Lilly: I can't, your fat ass is in the way.

Heather: *gasp* How dare you call me fat. If anyone's fat, it's Katie.

Katie: Um hello, 100 pounds here dripping wet.

Anni: Who pinched me?

Colton: Oh sorry, that was my watch.

Anni: *kicks Colton*

Colton: OW!

Jess: Ugh it's so hot in here.

Colton: *sings* So take off all your clothes.

Jess: *kicks Colton*

Colton: OW!

Katie: *starts to laugh*

Speed: Shut up Katie. No one did anything.

Katie: Yeah but it's just...you still can't get any action and she practically had her clothes off.

Speed: *frowns*

Katie: Oh mercy. *wipes eye*

Hummerhome swerves

Missy: *screams*

Lora: JESUS H CHRIST! What do you think this is, a Mercedes?

Lilly: Man this thing sure has some stink to it.

Colton: It's too bad we never get to see it. Horatio drives like an old man on Sunday. *mimmics* Neener neener beep beep.

Lora: SHUT UP, he's dying and you shouldn't be making fun of him.

Colton: Oh please, he got hit in the foot.

Lora: He needs that foot, okay?!

Calleigh: And he fainted.

Ryan: He needs to see his own blood more often.

Carly: Hey if we could get my laptop over here, we could try and get help.

Colton: Knowing you, you'll just post on your stupid messageboard about our misfortune.

Carly: ...Yeah but I'll try and e-mail the police or something after.

Katie: I think one of us should stand naked and distract them. Jess?

Jess: Ha, ha, very funny.

Katie: Teehee.

Anni: Can't we control this thing from remote?

Calleigh: Yeah but the remote's in the front and we're in the back and that involves a lot of us getting up which Eric doesn't want.

Delko: Let's just take it one step at a time.

Katie: I know, I'll appeal to them with my sexuality and make them sympathetic to our situation.

Speed: *lifts brow* What sexuality?

Katie: *frowns* HA. HA. HA.

Jess: Now you know how I feel.

Anni: Why don't we stop fighting.

Colton: Anni, we fight all the time. Good times and bad.

Anni: Well this is one of those times where we should work as a team, right?

Delko: Exactly. Okay, I've got some napkins in my pocket. Someone grab the felts from the counter and we'll make some plans.

Jess: Why do you have napkins in your pocket?

Delko: I always have napkins.

Ten minutes later

Delko: Okay people, what do you have?

Katie: *lifts paper* A kitty.

Delko: ...

Katie: Duh, we should call Cat Woman.

Lora: *looks down* Yeah 'cause Superman's out.

Delko: Anni, what do you have?

Anni: I made a napkin airplane. I call it the Nairplane! Woo!

Delko: *sigh* Colton.

Colton: Okay, we build a series of tunnels. Then we beat the crooks at their own game. We get to the dam before them and save the day.

Delko: You do realize we have no idea where the dam is and we're in a moving vehicle, right?

Colton: ...Shut up Eric.

Katie: *snaps* I got it! Okay, we ask one of those masked guys to go to the bathroom and then when they escort us, we beat them, steal their clothes and walk out like nothing happened. Then we walk to the front and take over the Hummerhome.

Speed: Actually that's a good plan.

Katie: *smiles* Ha.

Anni: Yeah it makes sense.

Colton: And it almost doesn't involve nakedness.

Katie: So who wants to volunteer?

Delko: I'll do it.

Speed: Whoa, there John McClain, maybe we should discuss this.

Delko: You know what, I'm tired of people screwing with us. I just want to travel and see things and have fun. That's what we're about, right?

Calleigh: Actually we're about solving crimes but that works too. Lord knows it's not weird for people to see us NOT doing work.

Delko: So it's settled. Plus, I'm strong.

Jess: He is, I'll give him that.

Anni: What about Colton or Ryan?

Colton: Um what about Katie, Anni, Missy, Carly, Heather, Lilly, Calleigh, Jess etcetera?

Anni: They have no women on their team, stupid.

Colton: You sound enough like a man, go for it.

Anni: *frowns*

Delko: *lifts hand* Excuse me! Sir!

Guy5: *walks over* What.

Delko: I drank 3 cans of Mountain Dew before you got here and I really have to pee.

Guy5: That's nice.

Delko: No, no, could you take me to the bathroom? I promise it'll only take a second.

Guy5: No one leaves.

Delko: Well unless you want it to stink in here...

Guy5: *sigh* Damien, can I take him to the bathroom?

Damien: Yeah but take a gun with you.

Guy5: Okay, get up.

Delko: *stands*

Guy5: *pushes Delko into bathroom*

Delko: You're not coming in?

Guy5: Ew.

Delko: Well I could always escape through the window.

Guy5: That window's like two feet wide.

Delko: You'd be surprised what I'm capable of.

Guy5: I'm not going to watch another dude pee.

Delko: Huh. You've obviously never been to prison.

Guy5: *frowns* Just do your thing. I'll keep the door open.

Delko: NO! No, see because I can pee in front of one person but not everyone else. I have a thing about privacy.

Speed: And that's why you ran around the boreal forest in your underwear.

Delko: Shut up.

Guy5: *sigh* Fine, but don't try anything funny or I'll kill you.

Delko: *salutes* No problem.

Five minutes later

Anni: He sure takes a long time to pee.

Colton: He's not peeing, he's trying to beat the guy.

Anni: Then why can't I hear anything?

Speed: Maybe Eric really did have to go and he killed them both with the fumes.

Anni: Well then we're screwed.

Guy5: *walks out*

Delko: *walks out*

Guy5: *walks away*

Delko: *sits*

Anni: Well? What happened?

Delko: Oh. I realized by the time I got in there that I ate one too many tacos this morning for breakfast.

Colton: What about taking the guy out?

Delko: What?

Colton: *frowns* That was the plan Eric.

Delko: ...OH YEAH. Damnit.

Jess: Typical.

Delko: *looks at Jess*

Katie: Well that's great. We can't all keep requesting to go to the bathroom.

Lilly: Unless we all had food poisoning.

Katie: They'll never go for it. Looks like we'll have to go for my plan. Someone call Cat Woman.

TBC............................

 

Bwaha. Thanks for the reviews.

Carly! *squishles*

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hummerhome

Katie: I'm bored.

Anni: You're always bored.

Carly: How can you be bored? We've been hijacked.

Katie: *sigh* Yeah but I've been through much more exciting things. Like California.

Colton: What happened in California?

Katie: Oh lots. See, when I left, I was working at this travel agency and raising Lori by myself and there were a lot of times where I had to buy food but I only had food stamps so I could either get the 99c can of potatoes or the 89c can of peas. It was very exciting.

Colton: ...Okay how is this less exciting then that?

Katie: Because I was by myself.

Delko: That's it, I'm tired of this. *stands* Hey! Guy!

Damien: *looks over* What.

Delko: Stop the Hummerhome.

Damien: *laughs* Yeah right.

Delko: Okay. *pulls off ropes*

Damien: HEY! *slaps Bob* You were supposed to tie those tight.

Bob: I didn't tie them. Bill did.

Damien: Well you all suck at it.

Delko: *runs*

Jess: No, Eric, stop!

Damien: *lifts gun*

Delko: *stops*

Damien: Ha HA! You see I have the advantage now.

Delko: Huh.

Damien: Go back and sit down.

Delko: No.

Damien: Okay. *pulls trigger*

BAM

Delko: *ducks*

Damien: HEY!

Lora: Oh man, he's faster than a speeding bullet.

Missy: Kind of puts Horatio to shame.

Delko: *grabs gun from Damien*

Damien: AH! NO! IT'S MINE! *scratching at Eric* BOB! BILL! JEFF! HELP!

Jeff: Can't, driving.

Calleigh: *stands* I can't sit here and watch Eric do this to himself. *runs*

Ryan: Wait for me! *runs*

Damien: NOO!! You were supposed to stay tied up!

Delko: *points gun at Damien* Tell him to stop the Hummerhome.

Damien: Can't. He doesn't listen to me.

Calleigh: And get that Bob guy out of my seat.

Ryan: How come I always feel like the Robin to your Batman?

Calleigh: *pats Ryan's head*

Damien: Boys, relinquish the weapons.

Bob: What?

Damien: Get the guns!

Bob: Oh. *grabs rifle, runs*

Delko: *points gun at Bob*

Bob: *swings rifle*

Delko: AH! *falls over*

Calleigh: *kicks Bob*

Bob: OWIE!

Bill: Man you were supposed to shoot them with the rifle, not hit them with it.

Bob: It seemed like a good idea at the t-

Ryan: *kicks Bob*

Bob: OW! Stop it!

Calleigh: *grabs Bill by the hair, opens Hummerhome door*

Bill: No! No! I didn't do anything! I swear!

Calleigh: *pushes Bill* Bye bye.

Bob: Oh crap.

Delko: *gets on all fours*

Bob: *kicks Eric*

Delko: Ugh!

Calleigh: *punches Bob*

Bob: OOF! *falls backwards into driver's seat*

Jeff: GET OFF MAN! *swings wheel*

Hummerhome swerves

Delko: *grabs onto couch*

Calleigh: *runs up stairs*

Ryan: *hits Jeff with rifle*

Jeff: OW! *swings arms* Get lost!

Ryan: Let go!

Damien: *grabs Ryan*

Ryan: HEY!

Damien: *punches Ryan*

Ryan: Ow! *rubs face*

Damien: Ha.

Ryan: *headbutts Damien*

Damien: OH GEEZ OH GEEZ! *holds head*

Calleigh: *runs down stairs holding gun* Make him stop.

Damien: *holding head* Jeff, stop the bus.

Ryan: It's *punches Damien* Not *punches Damien* A *punches Damien* BUS!

Calleigh: I think you got him.

Hummerhome stops

Jeff: *unbuckles seatbelt*

Calleigh: *points gun at Jeff* Get your friends and get out.

Jeff: *lifts hands* Alright, alright. Come on Dami.

Damien: *staggers out door*

Other guys leave

Calleigh: Whew. Not exactly a fool proof plan but it worked.

Ryan: *kneels* Hey man, are you okay?

Delko: *holding head* Yeah, yeah I'm fine.

Calleigh: *walks over to team, unties them*

Jess: Is he okay?

Ryan: He's bleeding. Although, it's probably nothing compared to being pushed through a plate glass window.

Delko: *dabs head*

Ryan: You okay to stand?

Delko: *gets to feet* I think so...*staggers back to couch*

Ryan: Whoa. *grabs Eric*

Horatio: *sits up* How long was I out?

Lora: Like four hours.

Horatio: Oh. How's my foot?

Lora: I wrapped it in napkins.

Horatio: We should stop off at the nearest hospital and get everyone checked over. Eric, are you okay?

Delko: My head hurts like a bitch but otherwise, I'm fine.

Jess: *runs over* What day is it? What year is it? Who won the superbowl? I'm Jess. J-E-S-S.

Delko: *lifts brow* I got hit with a rifle, not a freight train.

Jess: But you're okay, right?

Delko: I'm fine.

Katie: We should put webcams in this place so the viewers at home can watch our fun.

Carly: Ooh my messageboard buddies would love that.

Speed: We're not putting cameras in the Hummerhome.

Katie: Why, you afraid the people will see you do something stupid and/or embarassing?

Speed: *frowns* No.

TBC.................