CSI:Miami - "Road Trip *puts on shades* Number Nine."

:lol: Lora.

:lol: Anni, wouldn't that be awesome? We'll see how things go.

Heh, thanks for the reviews everyone!

****************

Hospital room (Lori's room), Miami

Speed: *walks over*

Gavin: If you want me to leave, I will.

Speed: *shakes head* No.

Gavin: *grabs Lori's hand* She's stable. Finally.

Speed: That's good.

Gavin: So, you going to arrest me?

Speed: *shakes head, sits*

Gavin: I'm sorry.

Speed: *looks at Gavin*

Gavin: I should have told you where he was.

Speed: Well it looks like you took care of him.

Gavin: I went there to kill him. But...I realized I would be no better than him. *scoffs* And I still killed him. *sigh* You ever kill anyone?

Speed: *nods* Sure.

Gavin: Do you ever feel any better after?

Speed: Never.

Gavin: *sigh*

Speed: She's lucky to have you.

Gavin: *lifts brow*

Speed: Despite what her mother thinks.

Gavin: *laughs*

Speed: *smirks*

Gavin: *looks down*

Speed: What?

Gavin: Her hand moved.

Speed: That's normal.

Gavin: I don't want to leave until she wakes up.

Speed: You might be here a while.

Gavin: *looks at watch* Crap, I was supposed to get some of her stuff. I need to do that.

Speed: *stands* I knew I liked you.

Gavin: *looks up*

Speed: Call if anything changes.

Gavin: Sure.

Speed: *leaves*

Castle, UK

Basement

Lora: I can't believe Carly sent you and me down here.

Delko: Wait wait wait, don't walk too far ahead.

Lora: You scared?

Delko: No, of course not.

Lora: *rolls eyes*

Delko: So...You like H, huh.

Lora: *stops walking* Does everyone know?

Delko: You don't exactly keep quiet about it.

Lora: That's true.

Delko: *shines flashlight around* H!

Lora: HORATIO!

Delko: HORATIO CAINE!

Lora: ...Because there's more than one?

Delko: You never know.

Chains clink

Delko: *gasp* Oh no.

Lora: What was that?

Delko: I don't know.

Lora: Maybe it's Horatio.

Delko: What if it's Wubba?

Lora: Eric, Wubba doesn't exist.

Delko: Sure he does.

Lora: Since when?

Delko: Since I made him up.

Lora: There's the key words. 'Made him up'.

Delko: You don't think he could have manifested into a real monster?

Lora: Not unless you're running experiments in the lab without permission.

Delko: *scratches head* The last time I checked, I wasn't.

Anni: BOO!

Lora: *screams*

Delko: AH!

Anni: *laughing*

Lora: DON'T DO THAT! *slaps Anni*

Anni: You two need to lighten up. *turns on flashlight* You find him yet?

Delko: No and thanks to you, I need a new pair of underwear.

Anni: I didn't need to know that.

Lora: Where's the rest of the team?

Anni: Searching the building. You know, maybe H went for a walk or something. Old people do that, right?

Lora: HE'S NOT OLD.

Anni: What's her problem?

Delko: Love bug.

Anni: Oh. Been there.

Lora: Has anyone checked the bathrooms?

Delko: ...

Anni: ...

Lora: So...No one actually made sure he wasn't in his bathroom.

Anni: Why would he be in the bathroom?

Delko: Not enough prune juice?

Lora: Eric, one more insult and you're walking back to Miami.

Delko: Yes ma'am.

Anni: *slaps giant machine* Ha, what's this, some kind of torturing device?

Lora: OOh freaky.

Anni: *looks closer* ...Please tell me this isn't blood.

Lora: What? *pushes Anni*

Anni: Ow.

Lora OH MY GOD!

Delko: Let's not assume it's Horatio's.

Anni: What if the killer's still in the house?

Lora: *gasp* What if we're next?

Anni/Lora: *scream*

Delko: ...Wait, what?

Lora: DON'T YOU GET IT! HORATIO'S DEAD AND WE'RE NEXT!

Delko: AHHHH!

Carly: *runs downstairs* What's with the screaming?

Delko: WE'RE GONNA DIE THERE'S A MURDERER IN THE HOUSE!

Carly: Oh. *looks at watch* But I was kind of hoping to hit the hay pretty soon.

Anni: Is everyone else accounted for?

Carly: Yeah, why?

Anni: WEREN'T YOU LISTENING?

Carly: Yes.

Anni: Why aren't you scared?

Carly: I'm Australian.

Anni: What does that have to do with anything?

Carly: Nothing. Hey is that a torture machine?

Anni: Yeah it's pretty messed up.

Carly: Who owned this castle?

Anni: I don't know.

Delko: OH NO! I found a lock of red hair!

Lora: NO! *grabs hair* Is it Horatio's?

Delko: *sniffs hair* Smells like Old Spice.

Lora: *frowns* Enough with the old people jokes.

Delko: No, it really does.

Carly: Why would his hair have been pulled out?

Delko: Um, because he was murdered. Duh.

Carly: Maybe he got a haircut.

Anni: In the basement?

Carly: *shrugs*

Roof

Lilly: *shivering* Okay it's freezing out here and it's raining. Are we finished? He's clearly not on the roof.

Ryan: Well we might as well check.

Lilly: If we don't get off the roof, we're going to die.

Ryan: No one's going to die.

Lilly: Ugh this is a nightmare. You'd better start my bath when we get back inside.

Ryan: Deal. *leans over edge of castle* The Hummerhome's gone.

Lilly: What?

Ryan: It's gone!

Lilly: *runs over* How can it be gone?

Ryan: I don't know.

Lilly: Maybe H went into town.

Ryan: And maybe he was kidnapped.

Lilly: *gasp* NO.

Ryan: We need to find the Hummerhome.

Lilly: How? We don't have a vehicle.

Ryan: There has to be one on the grounds somewhere.

Lilly: *points* Down there. A tractor.

Ryan: I'll round up the team.

Outside, ten minutes later

Katie: ...A tractor.

Carly: Are you kidding me?

Ryan: I think Horatio's in the Hummerhome and we have to find it. We find it, we find him.

Lora: How are we supposed to catch a 30 tonne vehicle with a tractor?

Ryan: It's all we have. I'm sure we can all squish in.

Delko: Who's supposed to drive it?

Colton: I don't do tractors.

Lilly: I think Ryan should drive. It was his stupid idea.

Heather: What if bugs fly into my mouth?

Colton: ...Keep your mouth closed?

Heather: This is a dumb idea. Let's just call his cell.

Lora: I already tried that, he's not answering.

Hummerhome

Horatio: *sitting on couch* You know, there are better ways to go about this.

Stetler: I FINALLY HAVE YOU IN MY CLUTCHES! *cackles*

Horatio: *sigh*

Stetler: When your team finds you, you'll be in a hundred billion pieces.

Horatio: I'm sure when they find me, you'll be in a hundred billion pieces. Almost all of them are girls with itchy trigger fingers.

Stetler: That's why I made a suit out of kevlar. I even have a hemlet made out of it.

Horatio: Is this because you're not Lieutenant? Because I don't really want the rank if it makes you that angry.

Stetler: Did you know what my middle name is?

Horatio: No.

Stetler: It's...Well it's not important. It just pisses me off.

Horatio: So that's why you want me dead?

Stetler: Yep. That and you always foil my plans. And your suits are always ironed. And you have so many fangirls. And you're just so perfect. I mean, how do you even get that way?

Horatio: *lifts brow*

Stetler: Oh nevermind. Once I'm finished with you, I'm going to take your lab and your team and they will be MINE.

Horatio: Try convincing them.

Stetler: I'll give them a pay raise.

Horatio: ...

Stetler: HA! It always comes down to money.

Horatio: How did you even find us?

Stetler: Two of your CSIs returned to Miami and I found out where they were coming from. I'm not as stupid as I look.

Horatio: Somehow I beg to differ.

Stetler: You know what? Shut up. *smacks Horatio*

Horatio: Ow. *rubs cheek*

Stetler: Donahinkle, drive us as far as you can get us.

Donahinkle: Then we might want to get some gas.

Stetler: *sigh* You didn't fill up before we left?

Donahinkle: Where? At the castle?

Stetler: SHUT UP AND GET TO A GAS STATION. I'm not paying you to make me look incompetant.

Horatio: Don't worry, you pretty much take care of that all on your own.

Stetler: Shut up. I hate how confident and unafraid you seem to be. So I'm gonna wipe that out of you.

Horatio: You mean whip?

Stetler: ARG! *smacks Horatio*

Horatio: That's it? A smack? No wonder why you buy pink ties.

Stetler: *frowns* Donahinkle, he's bothering me.

Donahinkle: What do you want me to do about it?

Stetler: Drive faster.

Donahinkle: *salutes*

Stetler: Now, to repay you for what you and your team have done to me...*pulls out taser*

Horatio: *looks at taser*

Stetler: Afraid?

Horatio: No.

Stetler: *extends taser*

Horatio: *grabs Stetler's hand*

CRACK

Stetler: OW! OW! *holding hand* OW! WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU!

Horatio: *shrugs*

Stetler: I can't believe you did that! The captee is not supposed to humiliate the captor! *punches Horatio*

Horatio: Oof. *falls over*

Stetler: HA! You see that Donahinkle?

Donahinkle: Sorry, there's a bunch of baby ducks crossing the road. Hee! Baby duckies!

Stetler: *rubs eyes* Donahinkle, run 'em over and keep going.

Donahinkle: Are you crazy? I'm not going to run over a bunch of baby ducks.

Stetler: I DON'T CARE ABOUT BABY DUCKS!

Donahinkle: Anyone have a camera?

Horatio: There's one in the console.

Donahinkle: Oh, thanks. *grabs camera* Come 'ere baby duckies! Hehe.

Stetler: Okay Horatio, if that IS your real name, put your hands behind your back.

Horatio: Why?

Stetler: Because I'm going to tie you up.

Horatio: Sorry I don't swing that way.

Stetler: YOU IRRITATE ME SO MUCH!

Rainy highway

Tractor putt putts along the road

Ryan: *wipes face*

Anni: Are we there yet? Eric's sitting on my hand and it hurts.

Ryan: I can't really see through all this rain.

Katie: Gee, maybe we should have just stolen a car. At least it would be warmer.

Heather: Who's touching me?

Lora: Sorry, Eric almost pushed me off with his FAT ASS.

Delko: Hey, I happen to have a very toned tush.

Colton: *covering ears* My ears are going to fall off.

Katie: You better hold onto the tractor or you might fall off.

Hummerhome

Stetler: Ha. Now you're tied up. No place to go HORATIO!

Horatio: I wasn't trying to go anywhere, besides, this is my Hummerhome.

Stetler: Not for long. I plan to get my own rival team of road trippers and renovate this into a bit of an..Evil Hummerhome per say. We will wreak havoc on the roads of America!

Horatio: Just America?

Stetler: Where else am I supposed to go?

Horatio: There are more countries.

Stetler: Foreigners are weird. You ever talk to those Canadians? Bunch of hosers.

Horatio: So what 'havoc' are you going to 'wreak'? Pushing over mail boxes?

Stetler: Ha ha very funny. No, in fact I have a whole plan worked out. But you're not special enough to know what it is.

Horatio: If you're going to kill me, you might as well tell me.

Stetler: No. Not even the dead or...Murdered-to-be's deserve to know the full scale of my evil plans.

Donahinkle: Are you at least gonna tell me? I mean, I work for you.

Stetler: In time my dear.

Hospital, 2am

Gavin: *walks into room* ...*looks around* Nurse?

Nurse: *stops walking* Yes?

Gavin: Where's the patient that was in this room?

Nurse: *shrugs* I don't know.

Gavin: What do you mean you don't know?

Nurse: Maybe she checked herself out.

Gavin: She was in a coma.

Nurse: Check with the doctor. *walks away*

Gavin: *grabs cellphone*

3:30 am, Hospital

Calleigh: I checked with hospital staff, they checked on her at 7pm and she was still here.

Gavin: Aren't they supposed to check on her every hour?

Calleigh: Not coma patients. Where were you?

Gavin: I left to get some of her clothes, blankets, pillows things like that. I dropped them off here and then went to get something to eat at my place. Must have fallen asleep. *sigh* I knew I shouldn't have left her but she wasn't supposed to not be here when I got back!

Calleigh: Okay, calm down. Maybe she was moved to a different room.

Gavin: I checked.

Calleigh: *looks at bed* You said you brought some of her clothes?

Gavin: Yeah.

Calleigh: *walks over to bed*

Gavin: *follows*

Calleigh: They aren't here.

TBC................

 

Thanks so much for the reviews everyone! And Lora, it was 'Hell House'. Good episode too.

*ressucitates Colton*

Hee!

Apologies for the short-ish update, I'm a bit whipped and need some rest, lol.

****************

Middle of highway, 3:50am

Ryan: Have you figured out what went wrong with the tractor?

Katie: I don't know, maybe it wasn't made for cross-country expeditions.

Heather: I bet there was a weight limit. Damnit I knew we should have left Eric behind.

Delko: Hey! For the last time, I'm not fat!

Anni: Yeah but for some reason you take up a lot of room.

Ryan: I guess we'll have to walk the rest of the way.

Lilly: Ugh, I'm freezing and I'm soaked, can we just go back to the castle? It's like twenty feet away.

Lora: NO! We must save Horatio!

Lilly: I'm sure he'll be fine.

Lora: You never know. He could have been kidnapped by international terrorists.

Katie: Yes I can see why Horatio would be of so much value to them.

Lora: Exactly!

Katie: I was being sarcastic. Did no one else get that?

Delko: It needed to be a little more dry.

Katie: I thought so.

Roof, hospital, Miami

Speed: *opens door* ...Lori?

Lori: *sitting on edge of building*

Speed: *walks over* We've got half the hospital looking for you. You've been in a coma for three days.

Lori: *stares at ground*

Speed: *sits* You need to get back downstairs. You're not well.

Lori: *rubs head*

Speed: Lori?

Lori: I...S-Som...Ca...Bl...

Speed: ...Oh geez.

Lori: P-Pin DA!

Speed: *stands, grabs Lori* Come on.

Hospital room

Doctor: *writing things down*

Gavin: *scratches head* So what's wrong with her?

Doctor: Hard to say. Obviously her motor function has been severely compromised. Whether it's due to the lack of blood to the brain or the poisoning, it's tough to say.

Gavin: Is it permenant?

Doctor: Too early to tell.

Speed: Does she know what's going on? I mean, is she aware?

Doctor: *looks at Lori*

Lori: *staring at blanket*

Doctor: I'd say where it stands, she probably has the mental ability of a five year old.

Gavin: ...

Speed: And you don't know what caused it.

Doctor: I won't know without extensive tests and even then, it's a bit of a gamble. Excuse me. *leaves*

Gavin: *sits*

Speed: At least we found her.

Gavin: *shakes head*

Speed: *leaves*

Gavin: ...Life's a bitch.

Lori: *squishing juice box*

Juice spills everywhere

Lori: *looks down* NA!

Gavin: *covers eyes*

Lori: *looks at Gavin*

Gavin: *stands, leaves*

Lori: *starts to cry*

TBC..............

 

Heh, thanks for the reviews everyone.

*huggles that_girl1* I luv you too. Heh, I'm sure things will be better. But not for a while.

***************

Hummerhome

Stetler: *clicking gun together*

Gun falls apart

Stetler: COME ON! Ergh, I've been at this for over an hour.

Horatio: You want some help?

Stetler: No. I don't need your pity assistance. I can take care of things myself.

Horatio: Looks like you're having trouble.

Stetler: A minor foible. Nothing for you to worry about.

Horatio: I'm not worried.

Stetler: Well...You should be!

Horatio: You just told me not to be worried.

Stetler: Yes well now you should be.

Horatio: In the span of five seconds?

Stetler: Yes. I like to keep you on your toes.

Horatio: I'm sitting on the couch.

Stetler: Fine. Butt cheeks. Now, Donahinkle, get me my briefcase.

Donahinkle: I'm trying to drive. You get it.

Stetler: *sigh*

Horatio: I can get it if you'd like.

Stetler: No. *walks into next room*

Donahinkle: So how have you found England so far?

Horatio: Oh delightful.

Donahinkle: I'm thinking of taking a trip to Ireland this summer.

Horatio: I hear the weather is absolutely wonderful near the ocean.

Donahinkle: You don't say.

Stetler: *walks in* Okay Horatio, prepare to be faced with your worst nightmare. *opens briefcase*

Horatio: ...Gloves?

Stetler: Latex gloves.

Horatio: I'm not afraid of latex gloves.

Stetler: For the next 48 hours, you are going to get into the Hummerlab and analyse evidence. Nonstop.

Horatio: What am I observing?

Stetler: Pieces of dirt and grass. Get to it.

Horatio: But it's not my worst nightmare.

Stetler: You have to do it with a magnifying glass in poor lighting.

Horatio: NOOOOO!

Side of road

Ryan: *sticks thumb out*

Lilly: You're hitchhiking? That's kind of dangerous.

Ryan: We'll all be together.

Lilly: And you hope to find an empty bus?

Ryan: ...

Lora: Okay I have an idea. Why should fly.

Colton: Yeah just let me sprout my wings.

Lora: No stupid. Call 9-1-1 and tell them that one of us needs to be air lifted. Once the helicopter comes, we steal it and get to the search for Horatio.

Colton: Um, how are we supposed to take out the paramedics?

Lora: Throw pieces of tractor at them.

Katie: Why don't we just go back to the castle. These are all terrible ideas.

Lora: We can't abandon him! He's never abandoned us!

Delko: She has a point.

Ryan: Yeah but he always knows what to do. We're idiots in a foreign country and all we have is a tractor and bad ideas.

Delko: Unless...

Carly: No fire.

Delko: Ah nuts.

Hummerlab

Horatio: *sigh*

Stetler: *walks over* How are things going?

Horatio: I think I'm going blind.

Stetler: Good.

Horatio: You're in my light.

Stetler: Good.

Horatio: *frowns* You know, it may have been a good idea to take my gun.

Stetler: ACK! *runs*

Horatio: ...I didn't even say I was going to threaten him with it.

Stetler: *walks back* Okay give me the gun.

Horatio: No.

Stetler: Give it.

Horatio: No.

Stetler: *reaches over*

Horatio: *stands*

Stetler: *sigh* You're making me look bad Horatio.

Horatio: Then don't kidnap me next time.

Stetler: Fine. I'll kidnap one of your weaker, more idiotic CSIs.

Horatio: In fairness, only a couple of them are really CSIs.

Stetler: Fine. The un-CSI idiots.

Horatio: They're actually all pretty smart...Unless you give them fire and a credit card.

Stetler: I now know your weakness. Your team. *cackles*

Horatio: *lifts brow*

Stetler: I shall kill them all!

Horatio: NO WAIT!

Stetler: Oooh is that concern?

Horatio: What will it solve?

Stetler: They won't annoy me anymore.

Horatio: You annoy me and I haven't killed you yet.

Stetler: Yes but without your evil adversary, you would be nothing.

Horatio: I was fine without you.

Stetler: Well too bad. Change of plans. I'm going after your team. You will have to solve their grisly murders.

Horatio: ...But I already know you're the one wh-

Stetler: Shut up Ho Caine.

Horatio: Did you just call me a Ho?

Stetler: *grabs radio* Donahinkle, pull out the big guns.

Hummerhome

Donahinkle: Uh...Okay. *takes out giant gun*

Side of the road

Ryan: *kicks puddle* This is stupid.

Carly: Um you mind not getting everyone else wet?

Ryan: *kicks puddle*

Carly: ARG! *kicks Ryan*

Ryan: OW! Geez.

Delko: I've decided I'm in charge of the team from here on out.

Ryan: Why do you get to be in charge?

Delko: Well Horatio's probably dead somewhere, Calleigh and Speed are in Miami and I outrank you.

Ryan: But you're an idiot.

Delko: With seniority.

Katie: I'm not calling you 'sir'.

Delko: Fine. Call me El Paso.

Lora: El Paso? What the hell is that, barbeque sauce?

Delko: Call me John Wayne.

Lora: How about we call you Eric.

Delko: That works too.

Ryan: Can I be second in command?

Delko: No. Haven't you watched television? The second in command is always a woman.

Lora: ...Not on Star Trek Voyager.

Delko: No one watches Star Trek. Okay, you all need to impress me. Except Colton and Ryan because you're not chicks.

Carly: We're not going to impress you Eric.

Delko: Then pay me and I'll make you my other half.

Anni: No one wants to be your other half.

Delko: Fine. I'm going to twirl around and after I say ennie meenie miney mo, one of you will be my partner.

Katie: Eric I think it's clear no one wants the job.

Ryan: I want the job.

Delko: You're not a girl.

Ryan: That's a relief.

Lilly: Hey what's wrong with girls?

Ryan: ...Nothing.

Delko: *twirling* Okay, in 5...4...3...2...1! MO! *points to tree*

Everyone: ...

Delko: Okay you guys need to spread out a little.

Anni: Fine, I'll be your partner in crime but first I want to be paid.

Delko: Deal. How does twenty bucks sound?

Anni: Like you're cheap.

Delko: *sigh* A cheque?

Anni: Not for twenty bucks.

Delko: Nineteen?

Anni: *frowns*

Delko: Fine.

Anni: First thing we nee-

Colton: Wait wait wait. We're actually allowing this to happen? The two most stupid air-headed people on the team?

Anni: Um excuse me, would you like to order everyone around and have every decision on your head? Because the last time I checked mister 'criminal', you haven't made the best choices.

Colton: At least I'm logical.

Katie: WHY CAN'T WE ALL JUST GET ALONG!

Heather: *sings* Why can't we be friends, why can't we be f-

Lora: *covers Heather's mouth*

Heather: -*mumbles*

Delko: Now, let's get back to the castle and make smores!

Anni: Ooh I like you as a leader. Can I call you 'D'?

Delko: Sure.

Lora: No! We're going to save Horatio! *stomps*

Delko: Then you should have offered to be my second in commannd because now I don't have to listen to you.

Colton: What makes you think we have to listen to you?

Delko: Duh, because Anni agrees and we all know she's the most popular one here.

Katie: I thought I was the most popular one.

Delko: You're both equally popular. Except Anni's my-

Katie: Yeah we get it. Second in command. Enough already. *mumbles* First she steals my husband, now she steals my popularity.

Anni: As second in command, I would like to pass a motion.

Delko: Granted.

Anni: All of you KISS MY FEET!

Everyone: ...

Anni: So...Motion denied?

TBC..............