Science -Maggie: They call these twin tip pens, but they're on different ends and they're nothing alike...they should be called brother/sister tip pens. -Mrs. L: If you ever want to know what a Special Ed. class is like come to my 8th period class. -Maggie: What are you learning about? -Mrs. L: Garbage...You know it's pretty bad when you set in the class and count the number of people who are retarded. 'I'm retarded!', 'Okay.' People pick weird things to be proud of. -Buster: When will we get to make catapults? -Mrs. L: You? Never. The rest of the class? In physics....You'll get to learn about garbage. Geometry -Blake: We've figured out what al Quida's next attack will be. All of our pen and pencil factories. Because if we don't have pens or pencils we can't plot against them. -Mrs. B: You're not setting next to Shane again, ever. English -Emily: (reading) It's not write to think bad things about people even... -Mrs. F: Oh.... -Keenen: What? -Mrs. F: I was just thinking about how I think about my seventh graders...Bad, Mrs. Free, bad! History -Sierra: G, will you marry me? I've got the ring. -Ms. G: Ummm...that's probably a 'no'. I'll post the rest of today's tomarrow. Gotta go
okay, this was last week: During English: Teacher to Chris: No physical contact please. Certainly not under the desk. Jake: Under the desk? Me: UTT! :lol: (nobody knew what I meant ) Biology: Teacher: ..and it produces FSH. Who knows what that means? Peter: I do know what LSD means. Teacher: Okay.. but that's quite different. It's funny to remember quotes. I'll try to do that more often
The perason who I was talking to in this quote just got back from Egypt and had been in France around Christmas time. Me: Did Egypt have any cheap women? Jolene: All the women were hairy Me: Are you thnking of France Jolene: In France all the women were ghetto. Me: If there had been cheap women in Egypt I'd be on the next flight out of here, Mr. C: You might not be able to use to PE room for PE today, they may be finishing a room across the hall and there'd be too much dust which would be unsafe for you to be around. Me. How is that dangerous, unless they're using Angel Dust?
AP Chem Mrs. P: Remember what I said Rachel. Me: When? Mrs. P: At the beginning of the year? Me: You always win? Mrs. P: I always win. Me: Yea, well I never lose.
Science -Josh: Luster? -Mrs. L: You've got luster,too, but this is a different kind. -Buster: I've got Buster-Luster! -Mrs. L: We're not even going there. -Mrs. L: Do y'all like shiny stuff? [Class agrees] I like shiny stuff, too...It distracts me. -Mrs. L: Francium is the most reactive metal. -Me: Do you have any? -Mrs. L: No. -Jeremiah: Can we get some? -Mrs. L: ...and so Francium and Fluorine would have a giant reaction. -Buster: What state is that legal in? -Mrs. L: ...Not Arkansas. -Mrs. L: B. a., what? Be a midget? -Buster (Pointing at me): She be a midget! [I swing wildly and violently at Buster] -Mrs. L: Whoa! Midgets attacking! -Josh: Yay, crazy people! -Mrs. L:...Oh, yeah, we all have gases. Some more than others. -Maggie: So there's really no need for it because we don't have a use for it? -Mrs. L: No. -Jeremiah: It's probably a cure for cancer. -Josh (About the Hindenberg) I bet they all went down laughing. -Shelby: They were dead. -Josh: Oh, yeah. -Mrs. L: Everybody except Buster, whisper! -Buster: Cool! -Mrs. L: Buster, just shut up. [Dustin eats a whole box of carmel/chocolate Girl Scout cookies during our 45 minute class] -Taylor: I just want to see the nutrition facts. -Emily: Let's see how fat Dustin's gonna get. Geometry -Matt: Micah, when you wreck your Mustang, I want the body [of the car]. -Blake: By that he means the person you killed. -Matt: What are you wearing? Cause it kinda freaks me out. I mean what did you do? Just put on all your clothes and say, 'This looks good.'? -Sammy:...Sorta... -Blake: Can you see me as a cheerleader? [About a drawing] -Mrs. B: There's my house...and there's my mountain. -David: Mine's a volcano! -Blake: It's a black-and-white picture!...Except for the big blue triangle...and the red right angle...and all the red numbers everywhere... History -Kayla: What did you say, Jeffery? -Ms. G: He said the s-word! I heard him! Band -Josh: Mental, right? -Mr. M: Yes, we are mental. -Laci: Some of us more than others. -Mr. M: Woodwinds! Brilliant, that means... -Jeremiah: Not stupid!
Science -Mrs. L: I'll have Jordan beat for distrroying school property. -Dustin: That's not school property. -Mrs. : I'll have you beat for running your mouth. -Dustin: Psychological hospital, what? Geometry -Evan: When you hit sine on your calculator, what does it do? -Mrs. B:...I don't really know... -Mrs. B: David? -David: Oh...let me add it up, here...this, that, here...I didn't do it. -Micah: When you're pregnant, are you hot? -Mrs. B: I was with Braxton, I haven't been with this baby. -Evan: But, Mrs. B, you are already hot...Ohhhh!!! -Blake: So, when you're pregnant in the middle of winter do you walk around outside in your Daisy Dukes and a wifebeater? -Mrs. B: That would be disgusting. -Blake: If you kept the baby in there for, like, an extra 6 months would it come out with, like, a mustache and chest hair and talking? Like, 'Hey, guys, what's up? Can I get some coffee?'." -Evan: CSI knows everything...they're like God. -Evan: Does having a purse make me less manly? -David: Matt do you even know what the report's about? -Matt: Yeah, a childhood memory...but I don't have any, my childhood sucked! -Blake: I hope and pray everyday that I'm adopted. -Matt: If I was in your family, I would, too. English -Mrs. F: A lot of people say Truman Capote wrote 'To Kill a Mockingbird'...of course a lot of people also say monkeys wrote Shakespeare, too, so... -Tony: Hams are sexy. -Mrs. F: Are you going to like have a magic pencil or magic apple to pass around? -Ed: Is 'magic apple' code for marijuana? -Tony: I say we pass around magic roadkill -Ed: Give me my hat! -Tyler: Give me my Doritos! -Tony: Does this have to turn into a strip search? History -Ms. G: Have you ever been up around Mt. View? Up in the hills? -Kayla: Yeah. -Ms. G: Have you seen the people? -Kayla: Scary. -Ms. G: Yeah, some of 'em might have six toes or fingers. -Me: If they have six fingers can they shoot two guns? -Ms. G: Yeah...If they have six toes they might could shoot with their feet, too. Oral Comm. -David: Can I have some of your Lunchable? -Logan: No. -David: I'll make a funny face. -Walker: What flavor is it? -Sierra: Green -Walker:...'Mmmm, tastes like green' -Jesse: In Aaron's future career, the most he'll have to say to people is, 'Is that for here or to-go?'. -Sara: What did you think of my poem. -Laci: Short and sweet. -Logan: Short, sweet and to the point. -Me: ADD-Friendly.
Well I graduated from High School a long time ago :lol: But I teach, so, here some things I've heard!!! 1. Student: Teacher, how does the PEANUT butter taste? Me: 2. Student: teacher, do you give private classes ? Me: :O :O :O
Science -Mrs. L: Don't tell me Morgan's in agri, she's too prissy. -Jeremaih: Guess what I got from my grandma for my birthday? A stainless-steel dagger. -Mrs. L: Just what you need. Who are you going to sacrifice? Buster? -Jeremiah: That hurt me...deeply...Wait, are you calling me some kind of necromancer? -Mrs. L: You know the word, that should be a clue right there. Geometry -Jana: That girl outside needs to put some shorts on! -Sierra: She's not wearing shorts? -Jana: They're not long enough. -Blake: (looks outside) AH! ... -Blake: That was all Jana's fault. -Mrs. B: I don't think she's denying that. -Jana: I'm sorry, I just looked outside and she was holding onto a pole, like, dancing. -Mrs. B: Okay, this story just keeps getting worse. -Evan: Evan's gonna be a garbageman...I'm already okay with that. -Matt: Evan, I have a solution to all your problems...mailman. -Mrs. B: you have to pass a test. -Matt: You do have to pass a test...but you're skinny, you can run. -Evan: Not past dogs. -Mrs. B: Dogs run fast. -Blake: I can see it now: Mailman has legs ripped off by Chihuahua. English -Mrs. F: If you say something stupid on the video you will pay. -Me: What, are you putting this on YouTube or something? -Mrs. F: ...Maybe. -Tony: When I get embarrassed I put ham on my face. -Me: Tony, why is it a sin to kill a mockingbird? -Tony: Because...tacos. -Mrs. F: Who stole Keenen's hat? -Josh: It's like a murder mystery. They killed it and buried it in a shallow grave. -Tony: They ate it. -Josh: I ain't no cannibal, I didn't eat no hat. Oral Comm -Alan: Is that your backpack, Norm? -Norm: Yeah. -Alan: Why is it so heavy? We're in school, not prison. -Alan: What the hell is wrong with us? We're all retarded. (When we were setting in the class making hand puppets and trying to do the 'Live long and prosper' thing) -Alan: Are you going to bring a bed to lay on, too? -Sierra: I have to lay on a bed?...Oooh. Can I bring a coffin? -Sierra: I actually understood that poem...the others were like, 'Blah, blah, blah, I'm a poet.'. It never ceases to amaze me how off topic we get in our classes...we all obviously have extreme ADD.
All of these are from band because that's my only interesting class this semester. --In Band, watching DCI finals from this past year.-- Christina: But those guardies all look the same.. They're all so skinny! *random guardie runs by* Christina: Except for her, look at those boadcious tatas! Mr B: omygodIdon'tbelieveyousaidthat Mr B: Tubas, stop inhaling vigorusly! --During jazz band-- Mr M: trumpets, what kind of crack are you doing today? me: nothing good, I think the dealer jipped us this time Mr M: You're not kidding, you gonna need to either invest in the good stuff and share with me or tune it up.
Okay, so we've been doing testing all day so in Oral Comm., our insane teacher, Mrs. F, took down her Testing: Do Not Disturb sign and put up one that read, 'Disturbed: Do Not Test'...let the hilarity ensue... -Mrs. R: Can I come in? It says you're still testing. -Mrs. F: No, read it again. -Mrs. R: 'Disturbed: Do Not Test', very nice. -Mrs. F: (At the top of her lungs) DON'T TEST ME!!!!! -Norm: I'm in love. -David: I just peed myself. [Mrs. F returns] -Alan: Are you on crack? -Mrs. F: (Runs over and jumps in seat) Now I am! -Alan: (referring to the scream) Do that again. -Mrs. F: (Jups up runs around chair again and sets down) Now I am! Spanish -Mrs. H: What do you need to have to play baseball? -Dylan: A glove. -Mrs. H: In espanol. -Dylan: El glove. -Mrs. H: What is a helmet? -Maggie: A thing you put on your head.
Spanish Teacher: This a weird class but we have a test today. so if you don't understand any words put them on the board. Missy: Doesn't that defeat the purpose? Me: Shut up, I didn't study. English Me: Mr. S, i'm getting a D- in this class, i'm really proud. Mr. S: Your parents must be so proud.
This is a very old one.. Social: Me: *drops scissors* Ah shit. Mr.A: Excuse me? Me: Oh..crap? Mr.A: *glares* Me: Poo? Mr.A: *puts hands on hips* Me: Oh come on! What do you want me to say? Feces? Science: Mr.O: *as an insult* Your an instigator. Me: I take that as a compliment you know.
Science -Dustin: You're a fetus. -Walker: Your mom's a fetus. -Mrs. L: You are what you eat. -Jeremiah: So if you eat McDonald's burgers are you plastic? -Mrs. L: If you eat McDonald's burgers you are in trouble, you will die of a coronary artery disease. -Jordan: Uh-oh. -Buster: What if you eat McNuggets? -Mrs. L: I hear they're going to start trying to make them with chicken soon. -Mrs. L: What is thet black, shiny stuff that keeps things from sticking to your pans? -Me: Teflon. -Buster: Pam. -dustin: Spam? -Jordan: Mmmmm, Spam. -Maggie: What's Spam? Isn't that the stuff you get on your computer? Geometry -David: Somebody's been messin' with my calendar! It says I will be sold into slavery. -Blake: I'm telling you, if you keep the baby in there long enough it'll come out walking and talking and with facial hair. -Shelby: It's a girl. -Blake: So...my mom had facial hair. -Matt: Had? -Matt: Don't put Gorilla Glue on your arm. -Mrs. B: Thanks for the advice. -Blake: That's probably the smartest thing you've ever said...It can stick a shoe to a locker and you put it on your arm?! English -Josh: Can we watch a movie? -Mr. W: No. -Josh: It's educational. -Jeff: What is it? -Josh: Borat. -Jeff: I'll bring my DVD player tomarrow. -Josh: I don't know if I'll have it tomarrow. -Jeff: Whose is it? -Josh: ...I honestly am not sure that I know. [Keenen hiccups] -Mrs. F: Whoa. Did you explode? -Shelly: Oh, I thought that you were surprised that we were being quiet. [Keenen hiccups again] -Mrs. F: No, that surprised me. Keenen, go get some water...SHUT UP!!! -Keenen: Huh? -Mrs. F: That was supposed to scare you...It did everyone else. Everyone else peed themselves. -Josh: I didn't pee. -Mrs. F: Oooh. [Keenen returns, still hiccuping] -Mrs. F: Keenen, come to the front of the room. Everyone look at Keenen. Keenen, look everyone in their eyes. -Keenen: I can't all at once. -Mrs. F: Now, hiccup! Hiccup now! Hiccup or you're getting paddled! [Keenen didn't hiccup again all day] -Bama: It was like being in a no-gas airplane. -Mrs. F:...Okay... -Bama: Going down into some water. -Mrs. F: Were you making fun of me? -Tony: No, I was making fun of Albert Einstein, 'cause he was on crack...Why would I make fun of you, Mrs. F? -Mrs. F: Because I'm an easy target? -Taony: That's exactly why I don't make fun of you, I need a challenge...like Mr. M. How can I make fun of him? -Shelly: He's freakishly tall. -Josh: He has a caterpillar on his lip...I wish I had a mustache. -Ed: Would you be mad if a big pitcher of red Kool-Ade busted through your wall and yelled, 'Oh, yeah!'? -Ed: Ed has wrote all his notes. -Mrs. F: Ed is referring to himself in the third-person, I'm going back over here. -Ed: No! Ed doesn't like it when you leave! -Keenen: Keenen thinks Ed's stupid. -Mrs. F: Mrs. F thinks we have lost all use of pronouns. Oral Comm. [Referance to my last set of Oral Comm. quotes] -Jesse: I was afraid Mrs. F was going to jump out and yell again. -Mrs. F: Why would I do that? -Jesse: I knew that wasn't you yesterday! -Courtney: I can't breathe. -David: Too bad. -Norm: We had donkeys at the basketball game. -Mrs. F: Yes, and you had animals there, too. [After watching the television version of 'Into the Woods'] -David: If any one asks what I did today in oral comm....I saw a skating cow and wolf 'parts'. -Mrs. F: It has adutery. -Norm: Where?! -Walker: The lion's naked. -Mrs. F: Look, animal nudity. -Jeremiah: She talks, like, 100 mph. -David: Jeremiah, have you ever thought that maybe you just talk really slow? [Jeremiah scratches chin as if in thought] -Jeremiah: Oh my gosh... -Mrs. F: What a compliment. 'You look better now that you're a drunk.' -Jeremiah: ...I'll keep at it. [She tells this joke almost every day] -Mrs. F: Oooh! Oooh! Oooh! I've got a joke! There were two peanuts walking down the street and one was assaulted! -Laci:...Th funniest thing about that joke is how excited you get about telling it. -Norm: Are we flying on Senior Trip? -Mrs. F: It may be on a crop duster but we are flying. -Laci: Have you heard of those, like, one-way glass port-a-potties that you can see out of but no one can see in? -Norm: I wouldn't use it. I'd be afraid someone could flip a switch and be able to see in and I'd be like, 'Awiiiiah!'. -Mrs. F: I'd be like, 'Howdy!'...not really. Spanish -Keri: Can they be, like, little kindergarten sentances? Like 'Yada-yada is from yada-yada.' 'Yada-yada is yada inches tall'? -Jeremiah: See Tom Flores run. -Josh: STAY! -Jeremiah: Yes, sir....woof. -Mrs. H: The window's open? Uh-oh, that means Crockett escaped. -Teagan: Can I borrow a piece of paper? -Keri: NEVER!...Okay. -Keri: How observative. Band -Mr. M: If Jeremiah gets to Washington and loses his mind and goes to a strip club- -Seth: Me, Trevor and Jeremy will meet him there. -Mr. M:-that is grounds to send him home. -Mr. M: One more thing about the trip- -Josh: It's gonna be bangin'! -Mr. M: Yes, it is going to be bangin'. -Keri: Jeremiah reminds me of a pumpkin today. -Jeremiah: Yay! I love pumpkins!
Well I'm in eighth grede really... :lol: In Geometry Sharlene: *crying* There's only fourteen minutes of geometry left! Mr. Kitajima: Sharlene... Sharlene: (five minutes later) *crying* There's only nine minutes of geomety left! She was really crying (on cue), so everyone was just laughing. It was great. Happened today.