CSI:Miami Season 5 *Spoiler Lab* Proceed With Caution!!

Oh Great! Another episode about Boa. I think we've had enough of her for the season. Yes?

Night shift? Weirdddd.

 

I took it as a sign of the apocalypse.

You say potato...

 

lol.. apocalypse sounds about right. Horatio? Asking for help from *anyone*??? Never happen until the end of the world.

 

Who is this imposter Horatio who asks for help, and waht has he done with the real Horatio Caine.

 

Bleh okay, expounding on these spoilers for Infernal erm Internal Affair(s) I'm not scrolling back to see if the (s) belongs there or not.

Occassionally I get the bug and feel the need to post my opinion, usually this happens when I have not had nearly enough sleep over the seven days prior to my long winded post and have consumed enough coffee to keep the entire population of Michigan wired for forty-seven days.

Just so we're clear on that part...

I do not object to the Character of Natalia in concept and I adore Eva LaRue, however, the writers have written her in such a manner...well the only appropriate adjective I can come up with is simpering. Simpering is annoying on too many levels to list, therefore I have little to no sympathy for the character.

Seriously, I have kinder feelings toward Ryan The Hun. (Love Togo, hot man, but don't get the character of Ryan at all. I want to like him, I really do, but again the writers have kind of assassinated that character too. How can someone with such an apalling lack of common sense become a cop? Anyone? Bueller?)

Okay back on topic...

Nick bites the big one, goes on to the great trailer park in the sky, meets his maker and gets his karmic smackdown.

(The silence you are hearing is my profound lack of surprise.)

Taking a smoke break to collect my thoughts, I think I left some of them in the car. BRB

I'm back, still here? You're so awesome!

Horatio asks for help.

Lets think of the night shift as red shirts (3pts if you know what that means.)

We see them, they add interesting tidbits of information and then mysteriously dissappear while on an away mis- erm get the rest of the night off.

Horatio in response poses and looks thoughtful. Natalia looks distraught, but impeccibly dressed.

Calleigh, Ryan and Eric play Yahtzee.

Horatio and Johnny Whitworth (okay why? Where the hell is Frank???) go over the evidence. Johnny wears a blue shirt and does not get time off.

A lightbulb appears over Horatio's head as he examines a latex glove, a pearl earring and the most recent copy of Mad Magazine.

Natalia couldn't have killed her ex-husband, he proclaims while executing the confidence pose! She is allergic to latex!

Ah-ha! Say the viewers playing along at home!

Rick Stetler enters and twirls his mustache deviously, "What about Delko?" He sneers menacingly.

Delko, "Yahtzee!"

Valera overhears, as she is prone to do and clears her throat, "He was with me, we were watching educational videos all night, all morning, all afternoon, all night. I have DNA to prove it!"

Ryan looks like someone just stole his puppy and Hotwheels collection.

Natalia slaps Delko.

Horatio executes the fondness pose.

Calleigh throws her hands in the air, "Okay, look, the earring is mine, the glove belongs to Ryan and the Mad Magazine is Frank's. Something had to be done, Horatio and since you're so freakin busy saving every woman with nice legs and big tits AND every neglected child in FIVE counties, we took it upon ourselves to put an end to this miseralbe storyline! If that's a crime than arrest us now! If not, we have a game of Yahtzee to finish!"

Stetler spontaneously proposes to Calleigh.

Johnny looks like someone just stole his puppy and GI Joe doll.

Eric and Natalia reconcile, prompting another murder to be planned by an unknown person or persons.

And somehow, Horatio has managed to save the day again without really doing anything.

~End

Next week: Where exactly is Frank anyway?

Can ya tell I am not holding out much hope?
The recycled plot version of the ep reads more like this.
1.) Nick is shot.
2.) The killer turns out to be someone we've never met. A convenient ex-lover. Natalia's long lost father, because she just NEEDS more drama, really the writers have been neglecting this poor woman!
or
3.) There is no killer, it was just a freakishly catastrophic household accident.

I think I should go now...before I say too much.

 

Pure genius. Except for the Eric/Natalia part, I may have to sue you for emotional damage for that one.

I called this plot pretty much as soon as Nick was introduced. In fact, I think my post may be in the Natalia hate thread, or maybe even in this one. The sad part is, I was half-joking back then. I honestly didn't think the writers were stupid enough to actually go through with it.

Oh, yeah...

Why didn't you know? He'll be stepping on a land mine soon. Right between Delko getting sued and Delko getting shot in the head, and Delko being hoisted naked onto a pile of fire ants, but right before an airplane crashes on Delko, which, I think, takes place after Delko gets his keys locked inside his car. The woe!

Who, if we ever do get to see him, will turn out to be a sick pedophile, forcing Natalia to reveal she was raped as a child by her own father, allowing her to throw herself at every available (oh, hell, even unavailable) penis on the show. At this rate, even Cooper will be getting laid. Go Coop!

 

Heehee...sheesh, I'm still really excited for the episodes, but I can't stop laughing at the predictions you guys are making. Nish, warp that into a definitive fanfic and I’ll so stick it on my favorites list. And Midnight, if you haven't written parodies already, you should start. All the hilarity can't be lost in the annals of Talk CSI forever...

 

Nish have you ever thought of writing Parody FanFic, it;s allowed and so far you've done a damn fine job writing this.

 

In a stunning revelation we learn that Dan Cooper is the only male in the Greater Miami-Dade crime lab who hasn't had his brain removed by the fiendish Sylar.

This just in, Natalia's father turns out to be a transgender lesbian who was victimized by Chuckles the Winn Dixie clown while shopping for Okra Pickles. Forever changed, erm, even moreso after the surgery, Irving Boa Vista now known as Irma Boa Vista was never able to over come the scars from that terrible day in aisle seven.

Natalia grew up in a household devoid of all painted faces and big shoes. It was a barren wasteland of a childhood. All her friends went to see the Ringling Brothers shake their groove thang, but no, not Natalia. Irma forced her daughter into department store after department store buying the finest clothes, shoes and handbags.

It was a devastating experience for Natalia and she eventually turned to sex to get the laughs that the clowns would have offered to her freely.


It COULD happen!

Don't tempt me to write fic people. Fictional characters have fled to other networks to avoid being written into a Nish fic.

Now, I need to bed.

P.S A complete disclosure of my assets in the event of a Lawsuit.

1 Cat, Fred, Orange Tabby female who likes to chew on your toes when you sleep.

1 Black Cat, Burt, Male. Really a sloth in cat's fur.

1 Husband, slightly used. I think Sylar got to him too.

1 Kidney (I don't care what the courts say, I am keeping the other one!)

 

Where's... Stetler? ...in credits WHERE*S MY STETLER!?

 

WTF? *double take* Ack! He's missing! What gives?! YOU CANNOT HAVE AN EPISODE CALLED "INTERNAL AFFAIRS" without the antagonistic star of IAB! I will speak in exclamations of outrage forevermore!

 

Let me tell you how I feel about Stetler then I'll make my point. I HATE STETLER!!! I can't stand him. There have been other characters on other shows that I've hate. NONE of them beat Stetler. I hate Stetler more than I hated any of those other characters on other shows.
BUT...
Painted_Shadow is right. You can NOT have an episode called Internal Affairs and NOT have Stetler in it. That's like Grissom without Catherine, Horatio without Calleigh, Mac without Stella, Cher without Sonny, cookies without milk, apple pie without apples in it.
(As Spock): An episode titled Internal Affairs without the character IAB Sgt. Rick Stetler in it? That is illogical.

*Carolyn318 goes to CSI: Miami set and starts slapping all the producers, writers, directors and David Caruso*

Yes you read right. My imaginary,daydreaming-on-my-part slapping fest includes Mr. Caruso himself. Here's why: I think David Caruso should follow in William Petersen and Gary Sinise's footsteps and get himself either an Executive Producer or Producer credit. I think he has more pull than the credits give him credit for. If you have the first 4 seasons of CSI: Miami on DVD, goes back and listen to the commentary on ALL the episodes with commentary. In everyone of them, sooner or later, they said "that was David's idea" or "David came up with that line". David did this, David did that. That's why I say I think he has more pull than the credits give him credit for.
OK...I'll shut up now.

 

^ errr...ok i got that u hate Stetler, but why...what is ur reason...!?

and re DC, if u don`t like him now why u use ava with his pic ?!

 

Reason I hate Stetler: I just do. Some characters I just hate. Why do some people here hate Natalia??? I think she adds or takes away just as much as any other character on the show. I'm finally off the fence about her and so now I like her. I still like DC. I just meant he seems to have more influence than he's given credit for. That's part of the reason I included him in that imaginary slapping part. TPTB don't seem to include Stetler in that Internal Affairs episode so why doesn't David speak up and say something like "Shouldn't David Lee Smith's character be in this episode? It is called Internal Affairs isn't it?" Now is there anything else I need to explain??? If not, I'm going to bed.

 

I think it's a little more complex than that. Natalia was set up as this character that didn't really do anything, but was just kinda there in the show, instigating angst and drama. Then in 'One of our own' she was set up as the mole, and she still didn't really do anything except instigate drama, and now she's that character that was supposed to leave the show, but was promoted instead, and has had at least 50% of the storylines in season 5 and takes away screentime and stories from the other main characters, which pushes them into the background. And even the lab techs and supporting characters like Valera and Stetler that have been there A LOT longer than her get less than 1 minute of screentime...it's just not fair.

Now, about Stetler, I really like him. Why? I can't really explain, I've just always liked the banter between him and Horatio and the quality that he brings to the show in the minimal amount of screentime that he usually gets (which is also very annoying). But seriously, all the stuff that Stetler would normally have handled in the end of s4 and s5 seems to get pushed to someone else...What happened to Stetler?! Bleh! Wake up writers! *slaps writers until the wake up from their stupor*

(BTW, I'd like to point out that I apoligise if I offended any Natalia fans. If I did, that wasn't my intent, I was simply trying to state the reason why I don't like her)